Most of the better part of my career has been spent sitting in conversations with men pleading with me to help them find a boyfriend. After many hours of hearing them out I begin to ask them a little about themselves and dig deep into what they really want from a relationship.
Inevitably we get to discussing how they currently meet men and as if it was a scene from Groundhogs Day, they always answer the same way:
“I use Grindr, Jackd or Scruff”
Gay men have become so predictable in their dating habits that I can almost always predict which app a guy uses based on the first ten minutes of meeting them.
The most frustrating part out of all of these conversations is that almost all the men that use these apps are adamant about the fact that they use them simply to meet guys for dating.
Well friends, I call bullshit.
The last time I check, the year was 2014 and we are all very educated on what social apps are used for dating and what apps are used for hooking up. So for that simple reason I call you out on your bullshit.
It’s like you expect me to believe you are a vegetarian and you tell me your favorite food is steak.
At this point, I start filling out your application to the nuthouse because you’re legitimately CRAZY!
Now don’t get me wrong. If all you are looking for is a one-night stand, then by all means- go crazy! That’s what these apps are there for. I don’t judge anyone on his or her need to do that.
But guys, here is the thing; while using a hook up app is an easy way to meet all kinds of men, this is not where you are going to meet a man to marry!
It’s time to look your self straight in the mirror and repeat these words after me:
“I AM IN DENIAL!”
Now to help you understand this very difficult revelation, I present to you the top 10 reasons you need to delete your “hook-up” app from your phone!
10. You have convinced non-gay people in your life that your app is a dating site.
This clearly the first sign of denial. You have convinced all those around you that your hook up app is the one and only source for meeting quality men around you. You say things like “With out this app its sooo hard” and “Thank god for this app”.
The fact of the matter is you’re not only lying to others, but also your lying to yourself. Lets call a duck and admit to ourselves that we are here not really looking for Mr. Right- but only Mr. Right Now.
9. You check your Grindr more than 4 times a day “just in case”
It’s bad enough that we are so connected to our phones for work these days and that social media has us “updating our status” every 2 hours but now you have taken it to the next level. You check your phone constantly to see if that guy you messaged earlier has responded. You are also convinced that maybe, just maybe, some hot tourist here on holiday from the UK or Australia has just checked into the hotel 500 feet away and you need to make sure you message him first.
If you check your app like you check your Facebook, you have issues.
8. You have ditched friends at social outings to meet up with a “hot guy”
There is nothing more insulting to a dinner host when you leave before the main course is served, but when you leave the party to hook up with another side dish that when things can get sticky. (No pun intended)
If you have ever left a quality social engagement with friends to meet up with a headless torso, you sir just may have a problem.
7. You sit in a packed club and discuss guys on an app.
This is always my favorite scene to observe. A group of seemingly good looking men in a packed club or bar and ALL ON THEIR PHONES checking Grindr!
Guys, not only are you not connecting with the friends in front of you, but you are also losing out on the guys around your who are physically there. Men who are ready and willing to connect face to face with you!
Apps have completely disabled our ability to engage with other human beings and practice our social skills. At some point, in order to have a long-term relationship, you will have to communicate with someone face to face and speak in more than 140 characters.
6. You have two or more hook up apps on your phone.
Enough said. This is just sad.
Was the pool of abs and torso’s not big enough for you on Grindr or do you find the men on Scruff more apt to Long Term Relationships. (Insert sarcastic tone here)
5. You complain about meeting “quality guys” while on your hook up app.
One my least favorite things to hear is someone complain about things and not do any of the work it takes to change. It’s like those people who never vote but have laundry list of things they hate about the government.
If all you ever do is complain about never meeting quality guys, but have never put in the effort on a real dating site but invest only in your hook up apps- you my friend need to wake up!
Do you not see the irony?!
4. On more than one occasion you thought a repeat “booty call” was going to turn into something serious.
This is the saddest of all the signs. Time and time again I have friends fall into what I call the Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing moment. They think that the headless torso from last week, who texted them out of the blue is looking to really date. But as it turns out- this text was just for another booty call.
The hope and dreams get all built up, but this guy simply disappears as quickly as he showed up at your door. Forget the embarrassing attempt at the candle lit dinner you planned; Mr. Right Now was only here for one thing.
3. There are more than 5 people in your phone with the last name “Grindr or Scruff”
This may very well be the sign of all signs. The fact that you never intended for a real relationship (as you claimed) and you never even took the time to get a last name. Therefore, Josh Grindr, Mark Scruff and Eric Jakd will never really have a place in your day-to-day contact list and never have a place in a real dating pool.
2. You know more about a person’s anatomy and girth than you do about their relationship history.
Back in the good old days, one used to give a guy a flirt across the bar and eventually get the nerve to walk up and introduce themself. Nowadays, we can barely carry a conversation and we stutter and what to say when actually approached.
Hook up apps tell you everything about a guys dick size, work out habits and favorite sexual position, but noting about a person goals or dating needs. This is why we these guys are not datable- it’s because they are not looking to date!
If one is serious about dating then one should know less about their man-scaping and more about their relationship track record.
1. You genuinely want to date someone
The answer is plain and simple. You are a person who genuinely wants to be in a long-term relationship. Through trial and error you have experienced the world of hook-up apps and have decided they are not for you.
This is a great start.
Do not be afraid to invest time and effort into real dating sites and filing out an extensive questionnaire. After all, the more effort you put into it, the better the results.
At the end of the day you want something different, you want a relationship. So take the first step, delete your apps and have confidence that you will find a guy who is genuinely interested in dating. It’s time to refocus!