You may think finding love is difficult, but I promise that it can be a lot easier than you think! For today’s article, I teamed up with dating coach, Mike Goldstein again to give you both a male and female perspective on how to find love.
1. Be open to finding love anywhere and everywhere.
He Said: Women can do this by looking their best. Men are visual creatures, so make sure that you look good. Every woman has some feature that truly looks great, some women have multiple, but it is your job to find the clothing, the makeup, or whatever is needed to accentuate these amazing attributes of yourself. The good news is men are attracted to almost everyone and everything. If you are wondering, yes we are attracted to you. No, you are not too fat, no you are not ugly. You are gorgeous, you have the perfect curves, and yes we all want to have sex with you. Please walk around with confidence knowing that almost every man that walks pass you is attracted to you.
She said: Yes, you have to look good and take care of yourself so you are not caught in your pj’s and greasy hair when there is an opportunity to say hello to a cool guy. That being said, finding a great guy is all about your belief system. In order to meet such men, you must know that there are amazing, relationship- oriented men EVERYWHERE. If you don’t believe this, you won’t meet them. In other words, what you believe will come true. When I was single, I saw nothing but amazing men all around me. I would give a smile, stand up straight, make eye contact and basically present with all the usual traits guys find attractive. These traits will make them feel that their approach is welcome. Guys are terrified of rejection. If they are not terrified of rejection, then they are players. So move it along.
2. Focus on going to places where you are most likely to meet relationship-oriented men.
He said: Join Singles Groups and Meet up groups with activities you truly enjoy. (Bonus: This will immediately be a shared passion with your new boyfriend.) Go to the grocery store– especially if you have unique food tastes, maybe your guy likes curried granola too (It is delicious by the way) Visit a bookstore, museum, or park, and a happy hour at your local steakhouse–where there won’t be much competition, the place will probably be 70% male.
She said: Anywhere outside your apartment. (This does not include parties and guests in your house. In that case, even in your house there might be a good opportunity.)But basically, all you have to do is go outside. Keep your eyes peeled. As I say, every time you go out, put on your love goggles so you can see opportunity more clearly than going out determined to get to your destination. Enjoy the journey and make eye contact with everyone who walks by. Honestly, every time I go to the super market, I see great men everywhere.
An inside tip: go to the prepared meal section and the frozen food sections first. Men love hot, prepared meals or a quick back up of a frozen dinner. The other great thing about a grocery store is there is always something to talk about. Ask a guy for help in picking something out. Men love to be helpful and if you are more shy or reserved, it might feel more comfortable to start the conversation that way instead of the random hello.
3. Approach men.
He Said: Unfortunately, over 90% of men do not approach women they are attracted to. Thus, I urge, gently nudge, that women take control of their love life and go up to men and say “hi”. If you want to talk to him, GO DO IT! If you are serious about finding a man, do things that other women are NOT willing to do. Many women will NOT approach men. Well guess what, those women are missing out on great guys that maybe aren’t capable of hitting on the 100 women that he was attracted to during his Tuesday. However, this same guy is also the “relationship oriented” guy that is 100% looking for a relationship but just isn’t the alpha male that enjoys approaching strangers…Help him out! Bottom line, 50 years from now when you look back at your marriage, I bet no one will remember who walked up to who, but you will remember the great life the two of you built together.
She said: Those of you who read my articles know how I met my husband. But I can never tell my story enough. I was in an NYC coffee shop eating dinner with my assistant. When I looked up, I saw this really cute guy wearing all 50’s garb. I thought it was so cute I randomly called out to him saying “hey 50’s dude, where did you get those cool clothes?” He was so happy that I approached him that he invited us to sit with him and his two friends. Twenty minutes later, he asked me to marry him, and the following week I said yes. We were married in under two months, and that was over twelve years ago. We are still happily married with two children! We love that story and are grateful that each of us took a crazy leap in not only the approaching but a clear ambition to be in a relationship.
Think of all the husbands you are passing buy by not being open to this approach. And by the way, an approach does not have to be verbal. It can be a smile. Another insider tip: wear a conversation starter. Whether it is a cool hat, dress pair of shoes, or a unique pin. OR, my assistant once went to a bar with a helium balloon. She was going to a party and was dropping by for a drink with a friend. Go figure, every single person approached her to ask about this mysterious balloon. How cool is that?
4. Develop skills that will keep a man’s attention.
He said: Three rules of thumb which are all based on common-sense:
1. When he is angry, give him space. He will return when ready.
2. Tell him what you need. This solves a few problems. Men are not mind readers; if you tell them what you want you will be more likely to get it. This will give you a great opportunity to show him appreciation for it. At the end of the day, he wants to make you happy and loves feeling appreciated
3. Accept your man for who he is. If you can’t, find another man.
She said: Actually being open is a skill in and of itself. What does being open mean? It means loving men and being excited to learn more about men everywhere you go. Look at them for what they do have instead of what they don’t have. Find glory in their differences instead why they are not more like you. And I can’t say enough, walk outside with a beam and light in your eyes and provide anyone and everyone with a smile and a judgement- free connection. Be curious and open up your mind to the possibility that who you are looking for might come is a very different package than what you think you’re looking for. Don’t rule anyone out at first glance. Cut your must-have lists and deal breakers to a maximum of five things for each list. Only screen for these things and you are not allowed to rule out suitors that have your must have list and none of your deal breakers.