Sex and the Suburbs

How To Date When You’re Feeling Down

We’ve all heard it during the past few years. A lot.
“It’s been a challenging year”.

So many people I know have experienced it. Friends, clients, family, friends of friends, women I’ve met online, whatever it is…it’s in the air and it seems to have touched nearly everybody. In the past, the well educated and well employed have been immune to it, but not this time.

It touched me and my family when my mom got breast cancer.

For some it’s been financial, others it’s health and more still have some experienced some different kind of upheaval in their lives.

‘It’s embarrassing,” a client told me the other day. He was recently downsized and had to take a job for a third of what he used to make.

Just because your cash flow isn’t what it used to be, doesn’t mean you have to stop dating.

“I used to meet a hot girl and wine and dine her. It was easy and fun. What am I supposed to do now, ask her out for ice cream?”

Well, yes.

You have no reason to be embarrassed. Throughout history there have been boom times and lean times.

Think about our ancestors who emigrated from Europe, through Ellis Island in New York. They didn’t stop meeting and marrying just because they were struggling. Actually, it was quite the opposite. That was when many families were formed and then flourished. There wasn’t just one group going through a transitional period, it was a cultural event. Much like the past five years.

Just because your cash flow isn’t what it used to be, doesn’t mean you have to stop dating. Life has ups and downs. Everyone’s life, not just yours (even though it might feel like it’s only you).

If you’re currently on a “down” and you meet someone you like, don’t be embarrassed. Be yourself. If they are attracted to you—and by that I mean who you are not which car you drive but who you really are—they’ll be smart enough to know you are worthwhile. If they aren’t interested in you just because you can’t afford a fancy dinner at this moment, then they weren’t worth your time to begin with. Right?

By reading [online profiles] I’ve learned how to read between the lines, see what’s been going on in their lives and what they’re looking for in a man.

I read a lot of women’s online profiles. It’s kind of a “guilty pleasure” of mine, plus it gives me excellent insight into the dating world. By reading so many of them, I’ve learned how to read between the lines, see what’s been going on in their lives and what they’re looking for in a man. You should try it sometime. It will definitely improve your success rate online. What I’ve learned is a lot of women have been dealing with adversity and change in the past couple of years. If they’re experiencing it themselves, then they’ll understand it in a mate.

There’s an old saying…with adversity comes opportunity. The opportunity here is to find someone who loves you for who you are, not how much you have. No doubt, some people just aren’t going to be up for it. Weed them out at the beginning. The last thing you want to do is to get in too deep and then have to “spill the beans” about being out of work or whatever. My advice is to be honest about who you are right now. Be authentic. Most people will see it as a sign of integrity, a characteristic over 90% of women online are looking for.

  1. Get Creative

    It’s also a great time to get really creative on your dates. Ice cream is fun, how about going for milk shakes? Or bring your date to a mall and give her a dollar to spend in the most creative way. Go for a walk on the beach, the boardwalk or go for a hike. There’s so much to do besides dinner, and far better ways to get to know someone.

  2. Wait for Dinner

    Even if money is not an issue you shouldn’t go for dinner till at least the third date. So many clients and friends have said they ‘wasted big money on dinner’ for a first date. First dates are for a drink or a glass of wine, coffee if they aren’t drinkers. Spend an hour or so then leave them feeling as if they didn’t get enough of you.

  3. Adjust your self-image

    I understand that for a lot of you, your self-image is tied up in your jobs and bank accounts. You are going to have a period of adjustment, but if you believe that whatever is bringing you down at the moment is not going to last, then whoever you are dating will believe it too.

So many clients have told me the difficulties they’ve had over the past few years, helped them focus on what’s really important. They have no tolerance for BS. It should be the same criteria for the person you are dating.

Be authentic and demand the same in return.