Does this story sound familiar to you?
Is there a man you dated briefly years ago? Due to some personal issues, it just didn’t work out.
You remained friends and you kept in touch. You ended up bumping into each other on a trip. You fooled around a bit.
He wanted more, you wanted more, but you were confused by the whole thing. You were wondering why it took so long to reconnect.
So you ask him:
What is this?
You want to know what this is. There’s never been an us, but you want to know what us is.
You liked him for all these years, in the back of your mind. You thought about him over and over again. So of course, when you finally had the opportunity to be with him again, you wanted to define us.
There is no us.
The man says; we’re fine. Let’s just see where it goes.
What does that mean?
How many times have you heard that?
You met a man, went out a couple of times, and wanted us to be defined. He tells you let’s just see where it goes.
But it drives you nuts. It makes you crazy. Because you really want to know, and want the relationship to be defined. The feelings and the words of let’s just see where it goes makes you an insecure, neurotic mess.
I understand that.
You want something special with a man. You want him to say, like the perfect movie you’ve watched, that he wants to be with you. That he’s falling in love with you. That he wants to have a relationship with you. He wants you to be his girlfriend.
Whatever version of the sentence is, whatever story is circulating in your brain, it’s not the answer you wanted to hear.
You didn’t want to hear let’s just see where it goes.
There’s nothing definitive about that. What is that? What does it really mean?
It means exactly what it says. Let’s just see where it goes.
What a man is looking for at that moment is for you to go with it. Be cool. Go with the flow. See what happens.
Men are wired that way. As we get older, we’re looking for that same relationship we had that was simple and easy back when we were teenagers or in our early 20’s.
We’re not looking for drama. We’re looking for somebody who’s simple and easy.
So the phrase, let’s just see where it goes, is exactly what it means. It means that you can’t put a timetable on it.
Yet because of your life experiences, you’re neurotic. You need to have an answer. You need to define it.
I’m not making fun of you. It’s just the way some people are wired. It’s hard for you to get into the mode of let’s just see where it goes.
You need to give yourself what I call a cool girl timeline.
Sixty days. Maybe commit to 60 days to be open to exactly what is happening. Be present in the moment. See where it goes. Be fun. Be light about things.
Give yourself 60 days to not be heavy. To not define anything and allow it to be whatever it is going to be.
At the end of 60 days, if you want a definition you can certainly ask him. You’ve been on your best behavior. You’ve allowed him to get to know you. He’s seen the amazing-ness of you.
If women will do this, a man will respond.
I know a lot of you want a long-term committed relationship and I understand that. But if you can commit to 60 simple days of let’s just see where it goes, you’ll be able to commit to it and see where it goes.
If it is not going where you want it to go, all you’ve done is give him 60 days of your life.
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