Finding the right balance in romance is tough. We all know no one is perfect, but we’re been sold this idea that there’s someone out there who’s perfect for us. Honestly, that’s not true. Don’t get me wrong. I’m all about true love, but I know that love is never perfect. Even the best relationships involve some compromise. Yeah, that means Amal Clooney compromised. I don’t know her personally, but I’m sure she did! The question is how much compromise is too much compromise? If you’re single and your friends are on you because you’re too picky and not compromising enough, find out if they’re right by asking yourself these questions.
What are your criteria?
Think about what you’re looking for in a partner and make a list. Literally, get out a pen and paper and write down a list. (I’m big into handwriting over typing with stuff like this, but whatever method will actually get you to do it!) Put down every single thing you want in your future boo – personality, religion, physical features, career, everything! Ok, now go through the list and pick the five things that are most important. Those are your five non-negotiables. Everything else is a nice-to-have, not a must-have. You’re fully within your rights to dismiss anyone who doesn’t match all five of those non-negotiable criteria. But, if someone checks all those boxes, you have to give them a fair shot. And that means three dates. Three dates even if they don’t have any of the nice-to-haves on your list! Commit to that and there’s no way you’re being too picky.
How are their relationships?
The thing about opinions is that they’re just opinions, not facts. Unless they’re my opinions. Then they’re gospel, obviously. But seriously, don’t take advice from people unless you think they’re good in that department. I love my lawyer, but would I take medical advice from her? No way! If your friends are in awesome relationships you admire, take their advice. If you feel like they settled for duds, then it’ll probably serve you to be pickier than they were.
What would it hurt?
Here’s the thing, dating is pretty low stakes in the beginning. If you’re not in love with someone after date one, what would a second date really hurt? It’ll be some time and some calories. That’s it. Unless you’re completely creeped out or scared by someone, why not be super certain they’re not for you? It’s so easy to seem dorky or lame on a date because of nerves. And cheesiness is like a first date epidemic that clears up by date two. So, compare what you have to lose by loosening your standards up just a little bit, temporarily, and what you have to gain.
Picky people, know that I’m totally one of you! Even though I tell people not to be too picky all the time, I still find myself being a total snob when it comes to dating. And guess what? The only person it’s ever really hurt is me. So, I’ve resolved to be less picky in dating – while still honoring my five non-negotiables – and I think you all should join me.