The Men's Room - Love and Relationship Advice From a Man For Women

Why Isn’t He Getting Hard For Me?

Have you ever been going down on a guy, and suddenly you start to realize he’s not getting hard for you? I bet there were a hundred things going through your mind at that point.

“Why isn’t he turned on by me? What am I doing wrong? Isn’t he attracted to me anymore?”stressed-couple-bed

I was talking to a client of mine about this the other day. He asked me, “David, sometimes a woman will be going down on me and I won’t be able to get hard. I’m fine when we’re having sex. What’s wrong with me? Has it happened to you before?”

I couldn’t help but smile and say, “Yes. It’s happened to me more than once too!”

The problem was the woman had given my client a bit of a hard time about it. Now he was worried. Was it going to happen again? Was there something wrong with him? Would women start laughing at him?

I told him not to worry about it. It’s something that happens all the time, AND it happens to both men and women.

Have you ever found it hard to cum when a guy was going down on you?

You’ve been lying there really turned on, totally into the guy with you, and yet you still couldn’t climax.

Why does it happen?

I call it “oral fixation anxiety.”

Think about it: Oral sex is about the most intimate thing you can do with another person. They have their eyes, nose, and mouth wedged inches from your genitals. You’re thinking to yourself, “Do I look okay? Am I fresh after the gym? Do I smell alright?”

It’s such a personal thing, and sometimes if you’re not relaxed, you’re not going to be turned on. So, what can we do to cure “oral fixation anxiety?”

It’s the key to all successful relationships ladies…


We’re going to talk about it. Ask your man if he’s relaxed or worried about something. Ask him what he likes from oral sex. Does he like it when you stroke his balls? Does he want you to go slow or fast? Does he like it when you moan a certain way?

And it works the other way to. Make sure you tell him what you want from oral sex. How do you want to be licked and touched? Do you like it when he uses his fingers whilst he licks your clitoris? What turns you on?

When you talk about things you’re both going to relax, and you’re going to enjoy the experience much more. Honestly, communication is the key to everything in relationships. So if you’re with a guy who isn’t getting hard for you, relax, don’t take it personally, and don’t give him a hard time for it.

Chances are he’s suffering “oral fixation anxiety” and just needs patience and understanding. Remember, guys have feelings too, and like women we can’t perform sexually on command!

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