Oh, honey. I feel you. I really, really do. I think most women and probably a good chunk of men have felt the pain you’re in. Whether you’re dealing with a post-partum body, a few extra pounds, boobs you don’t think are big enough, thigh you don’t think are small enough or just a general “society is forcing me to hate myself so I do” crummy-ness, it can make getting intimate and feeling sexy seem very, very unappealing. But, no matter the shape or size of your body or how you feel about the thing, I know one thing about your body…it wants sex. It’s a natural thing that every body wants. So, don’t deprive it of this very basic necessity. Here’s how you can have sex when you’re not in love with your body.
Be with the right person
Step one to having good sex when you’re not feeling good about yourself is to be sure you feel good about the person you’re sexing. (Yep, sex is now a verb. Get used to it!) The fact is that there are some people out there who will be jerks about a body that’s anything less than Victoria’s Secret airbrushed perfect. And those jabronies are definitely not worth you or your vagina’s time. I once dated a guy who would grab my stomach flab any time I put on a few pounds and make me feel like junk about it. Never should have stayed with him as long as I did. Find one of the many, many people out there who won’t focus on your flaws and will celebrate everything that’s beautiful about you and the sex you’re having. That’s the only type of guy who’s worth taking to bed.
Focus on the right stuff
Stop thinking about how your body looks and start thinking about how your body feels in the moment. I can guarantee you, your partner is only thinking about how good your body is making him feel. Sex is sensual and involves all of the five senses. But really, the least of those senses is sight, especially when it comes to looking at yourself. So, force your brain to get out of thinking negative thoughts and try to make it feel positive sensations instead. Basically, focus on orgasms, not thigh gaps.
Know that you’re treating yourself right
The path to a healthy body image is a long and fraught one, especially for women in America. I can’t solve this for you in a single blog post. But, like in any fight, the first step to resolution can be one side making a peace offering to the other side. Bodies crave sex. So, know that by giving your body what it wants, you’re treating it right. In the you vs. your body battle, sex can be your peace offering. And if you continue to treat it right in other ways, it’ll start to treat you right in return. Sex can be a good entry into the realization that your body and you don’t have to be mortal enemies. You can work together to feel great.
Hope that helps you! Good luck and happy sexing! (Get used to that word. I’m going to be using it a lot around here.)
Photo credit: pedrosimoes7 / CC BY