I absolutely love bringing people together. Even before I made it my career, matching up my single friends was always so thrilling and rewarding for me.
If you enjoy spreading love and have a natural matchmaking instinct or if you are constantly nagged by your friends to “set them up with someone good!” here are four factors to consider BEFORE setting up a friend to make sure your match is a success. After all, you want to be the one they thank at their wedding reception!
1. Relationship Goals: First and foremost you need to be sure that the two people you are thinking of matching up have aligning relationship goals. It’s important to find out how they each feel about marriage. Do they want to have children? Do they see themselves getting married in the next five years, or are they looking to date casually and have fun? It’s imperative that you ask these important questions; no one wants to be matched up with someone who is ultimately not in the same place when it comes to what they want out of their next relationship, or a lifelong partner.
2. Values: Look carefully at what is important to each individual. If one person is super laid-back, all about relaxing, traveling, and spending time with their children, while the other is a workaholic, they may not make such a great match. Does one person identify as extremely liberal while the other is very conservative? Also, probably not the best match.
Similar values are essential when you are weighing whether two people might be right for each other. Of course, no two people are going to have identical sets of values, but having major ideals in common increases the chances of the match enduring over time.
Lisa Clampitt discusses the role of chemistry in matchmaking
3. Chemistry: Chemistry is a vital factor to every relationship, but too often it becomes the only factor! I would argue that relationship goals and similar values should always come first when looking to make a match.
Think about it: when you have great chemistry with someone and are super attracted to them, your endorphins go crazy. You can’t think straight because you’re blinded by the love and passion you feel! Ultimately those kinds of relationships do not necessarily make long lasting marriages; when the euphoric feelings fade, conflicting lifestyles or a difference in ideals can make it very difficult to stay together.
Another problem with basing a match on chemistry is that it can be very hard to predict. Chemistry is not one overall entity, but is made up of multiple categories: sexual compatibility, ease of getting along, verbal communication, and on and on! When it comes to trying to make a match with good chemistry, you can make some educated guesses, but for the most part you have to wait and see how the date goes.
Of course you want to be sure you know what physical attributes the person you are matching is looking for in a mate. Try to find out where they can be flexible with what they’re looking for, and what physical aspects are not negotiable. As far as chemistry goes though, until the two people actually meet, you will not know for sure if that certain something is there.
4. Common Interests: Lastly, it’s of course preferable if the two people you are setting up like doing similar things. Do they both enjoy going to baseball games? Do they like to read similar types of books? These sorts of common interests help them engage on the first date, and are great for bonding as they continue building a relationship. Don’t fret though if they don’t like to do ALL of the same things. Relationship goals and personal values are much more important than making sure both people like to go to spin class on Thursday after work.
Ultimately, nothing is better than putting in the effort to set up two people you think might be great together. I am all for spreading the love! Just be sure to think about these factors before you do. That way you can have the best shot of your match being one that lasts.
If you are interested in learning more about Matchmaking or becoming a Certified Matchmaker, be sure to check out the Matchmaking Institute, or reach out to me—LisaClampitt@matchmakinginstitute.com—with any questions!
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