How to plan when romance is uncertain

It’s probably not a surprise to literally anyone that I’m a control freak. I just like to know what’s going on and when and how… and I want everything to go exactly my way all the time. Why is that so hard? I’ve been putting a lot of work into accepting what is and enjoying the ride without being the driver – and I’ve made a lot of progress! Still, I’d say I’m not my best when things are uncertain.

But, here’s the thing with love, it’s totally, completely, 100% uncertain. If you’re single, you could fall in love with a stranger by lunchtime tomorrow or be searching for the next ten years. If you’re in a relationship, your partner could ask for a separation this afternoon or you could be dancing together on your 50thwedding anniversary. You just don’t know. And that makes it hard to plan. One of my girlfriends is freaking out because she has a new boo and needs to respond to a wedding about her plus-one situation. The wedding is as many weeks away as she’s been dating this dude. What should she do? That’s obviously just a small example, but if you’re struggling with figuring out your future when the romance situation is up in the air, here’s what to do.


If you’re in a relationship, even a brand new one, you need to talk to your partner about your future. Of course, talk is just talk and you never know what you will wake up feeling tomorrow or next year. But, getting yourselves on the same page right now counts for a lot. Talk to them about your ideal future together and discuss how that may differ from their ideal future with you. Make sure there are compromises you both can make and still be happy. Working together now doesn’t guarantee anything, but it makes a happy future a lot more likely.

Know you can’t plan everything

I know this post is about planning your future, but the truth is you really can’t plan everything. So, there’s no point in trying. Control what you’re able to and then work to be at peace with whatever unfolds for you. Worrying is a waste of your time now. So, focus on what’s going on in your present and don’t try to do the undoable by planning every step of your future.

Assume happiness

I love positive visualizations. I’ll sit down to meditate and think about what I want my life to look like five hours, five days and five years from now. Thinking about future happiness makes it easier to believe it’s going to happen. And that’s how I think you should make your decisions. Buy tickets to that concert in six months assuming you have a wonderful special someone in your life. Respond to that wedding with a plus one because you still want to be dating your new guy by then. Expect yourself to be happy in love as you make decisions and plans for your future and I bet you will be.

Positivity in the face of uncertainty isn’t easy. Believe me, I know. I’ve done a mountain of work to be able to think this way and I’m still doing the work. But, love is a beautiful thing and it deserves celebration, not stress!