Are We The Opposite of Hopeless Romantics?

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been majorly screwed over, treated like dirt, cheated on, mind F**ed by a guy, or all the above! Our bet is that every girl in the world would raise their hand with the exception of the girls who remain with their high school sweethearts for life. Regardless, we all know (guys and girls alike!) what its like to feel betrayed and hurt by someone you gave your heart to. We are no strangers to this. At 26 years old and having been single yet actively “dating” through most of our young adulthood, we are familiar with the hurt feelings, the unanswered calls, and feeling inadequate.

What we didn’t realize was this; as much as all the above mentioned sucks on it’s own, it also carries with it some nasty long term consequences. When we are finally lucky enough to find a great relationship, we bring these negative feelings of past rejections and bad experiences into this new relationship. We toil around just counting the minutes, or days until the guy to f*cks up somehow, because in our past, he always has.

We are so used to constant disappointment that we literally do not know how to react to being treated the way we deserve. We sit in shock when a good guy makes us a priority, implements a “no phone” rule on dates, texts and calls at the appropriate times, and actually expresses his feelings of adoration. Do we love all these things, absolutely! But do we have a tough time accepting it and trusting that it isnt going to crumble before our very eyes? Y.E.S.

It is easy to appreciate these things at the start, but once we start to get emotionally invested, panic sets in. We are so used to things ending badly that this great, positive relationship feels like it is definitely going to implode at any minute. Girls can convince themselves of basically anything, and in this case we convince ourselves that this guy, as perfect as he seems now, is going to end up like all the others. We become the polar opposite of hopeless romantics.

The jerks in our past slapped us with an insecurity that we somehow don’t deserve the Prince Charming from our fairytale books. In order to actually happily be with this “unbelievable” guy, we first have to let go of our past hurts. Second, we have to trust that, YES this guy is different, and really is genuinely that great.

It is a tough mental struggle, but we can no longer sacrifice our happiness in exchange for convincing ourselves that we are going to get hurt. That is a miserable and anxious way to live. If you end up pushing a guy away because of your past and inability to trust, you lose and let all the assholes who screwed you over in the past win. They already undeservingly got your heart, they don’t need anything else from you.

Photo credit: Bevie Oh / CC BY