When navigating our way through the dating jungle, we come across a variety of male species. Sure, there’s the player, the jerk and the commitment-phobe, but now we have a new species: the Man Child. I’ve yet to come up with a catchy term for this phenomenon (Mandren? Chilan?), but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re out there. Boys disguised as men. They have the body of a 27-year-old, but the maturity of a toddler. Here are the top five signs that you’re dating a man child:
They haven’t cut the umbilical cord from their mother.
I love my mother just as much as the next person (Hi, Mom!), but there comes a time when you need to cut that cord, especially if it’s interfering in your relationship. Does he have to consult his mother about every decision he makes? Does he constantly criticize the way you cook or clean because it’s not how their mother does it? If the answer is yes then he’d probably rather be cuddling with his mom than spooning you.
He has temper tantrums.
Does he throw a temper tantrum similar to the child in aisle two when he doesn’t get his way? Temper tantrums are never, ever attractive. They’re reserved strictly for toddlers who aren’t allowed that Barbie or race care they really, really want. If your man is having a meltdown every time he doesn’t get his way then it’s time to send him back to preschool and out of your life.
He plays games.I love games.
A round of shuffleboard? Sure. A game of Monopoly? Maybe, as long as I win. Games are not okay, however, in a relationship. We aren’t in Elementary School anymore and it’s no longer cute to be mean to girls as a way of showing that you like them. Either you like me or you don’t. Either you want to be with me or you don’t. Make up your mind and then let me know because quite frankly, ain’t nobody got time for that.
He doesn’t know how to cook or clean.
Once you’re out of high school and out of your parents’ house, you quickly learn that you have to step your cooking and cleaning game up. Most men make that adjustment and survive just fine. Others can’t seem to let go being taken care of and refuse to get out of their comfort zone. Does he only know how to cook mac and cheese? Does he still take his ironing to his mother? These are all signs he isn’t ready to grow up and definitely isn’t ready for an adult relationship with you.
He can’t handle being sick.
I’ve found that men react one of two ways when they’re sick. Either they completely ignore it, refuse to go to the doctor and convince themselves that their manly immune system will take care of the problem or they turn into a needy child and lead you to believe that they have the first cold that could actually kill a man. Look, we all like to be taken care of when we’re sick. It’s nice having someone to heat up some soup for you or make a run to the store for NyQuil, but there has to be a happy medium. If he has no idea how to survive the flu without you taking care of his every need then he needs to hit the road.
Sadly, the Man Child is out there in full force. We must avoid them at all costs because real men make you feel like a queen, not a babysitter.