What to do when you’re not on the same page about going public as a couple

couplegoingpublicI’m not too proud to admit that I turn to YouTube to learn to do basically everything in my life. How to curl my hair. How to make the perfect omelet. How I’ve actually been eating apples wrong my whole life. And after I find what I’m looking for, I’ll often find myself in a YouTube blackhole, watching vlogger after vlogger. And one thing that’s consistent about these vloggers is that they talk about the struggle of having such a public personal life and trying to date. They’re never sure when’s the “right time” to announce they’re dating someone is, to talk about the relationship or to show their special someone on camera. It seems like the vlogger is normally ready to public with the relationship before their boo is, which makes sense. I can tell you that being in the public eye makes it really hard to date! And it’s super tough for a normal human to adjust to life in the limelight. Anyway, this got me thinking about how a lot of times in relationships, one person is ready to go public—whether it’s on Facebook or coming as a couple to an event—and the other isn’t quite there yet. Here’s how to handle it.

Talk about it

The first step is to communicate. Duh. Talk about why one of you wants to go public and why the other one doesn’t. This isn’t a fight at all. It’s about explaining your positions. Maybe hearing where the other person is coming from will change your mind. Even if it doesn’t, it will make their perspective more clear. That’s all you want. Once you two clear the air and you’re still on different pages, you have to go the way of the person who isn’t ready to go public. The one who’s pumping the brakes always gets their way in these situations because forcing someone to do something new that they’re uncomfortable with is a surefire disaster.

Set up timelines

Talk about what needs to happen to make the brake-pumper comfortable with going public. Maybe it’s time. Maybe it’s developing a certain kind of intimacy. Maybe it’s feeling a little more secure in the relationship. Whatever it is, set up little milestones for you two to achieve in the hopes of getting both of you in the same mind frame about your public status.

Check in with each other

Once you reach those milestones, it’s time to communicate again. Talk about what’s different and what could make going public more comfortable. Set more milestones and work as a team to get on the same page.

Check in with yourself

If your boo and you just can’t agree on when to go public with your relationship and it’s been a while, it might me time to assess the situation. Why aren’t you excited to share your special person with the world? Or why isn’t your person pumped to show you off? If it’s been a few weeks or months of circling around the same issue, it could be a sign of a bigger problem in your relationship.

Ok, I’ve gotta get back to YouTube stalking vloggers! Hope this helps you all!