What to do if you’re being benched

benchedHave you heard of “benching” yet? It’s the new ghosting, but slightly different. Benching is when a guy is keeping you on the bench, but not playing you. He occasionally texts and seems kind of engaged, but never actually makes plans. Or if he does make plans, he doesn’t follow through with them and winds up canceling last minute. Sound familiar? I’m guessing it does since this is very typical guy behavior. If you date enough, you’ll definitely experience it. Here’s what to do if benching happens to you.

Identify it for what it is

Take a look at your texts. Have you been texting with anyone for over two weeks without meeting up? Is there a legitimate excuse for the lack of in person contact? A general “busy at work” is not a legitimate excuse. We’re all busy at work. That’s what work is. You’re paid to be busy. All of these two week plus no-texters are benching you. And if you’re thinking, “But he’s such a nice guy.” Well, think again. He’s not. Benching someone is not a nice thing to do. I’d argue it’s even worse than ghosting because at least that’s a clear signal. Benching is stringing you along on the off chance that he gets lonely enough to want to meet up. Does that sound like a nice guy thing to do?

Address it head on

Alright, so now you know who’s benching you and what kind of person they are. My main advice for addressing it would be to stop responding to their texts. Be done with them! But, if you’re really into the guy and want to give it a shot, I say go ahead and be direct. You already know what coy chit chat will get you…another few weeks of coy chit chat. And who wants that? So, why not directly ask him out? If you’re not confident enough to ask him out, then that’s probably because he hasn’t made you feel confident enough in your relationship to justify asking him out. And that makes total sense because a man wouldn’t bench a woman he actually likes and wants to date. Get it?

Move on

All of that segues nicely into my next point. Get over this guy. He’s not a nice man and he’s not being nice to you. Be done with him! Delete his texts, delete his number from his phone and don’t respond the next time he gets enough with you. Being on his bench means that you’re not out on another field playing as hard as you can. And if you’re a single gal looking for a partner, you need to get out there and play ball!

Know that you’re not alone on the bench. Heck, you’re probably not even alone on his bench! But, once you hop off the bench and start playing your own game, you’ll feel a whole lot better about dating. I promise!

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