Thanks to social media, I get a lot more questions from people looking for relationship advice. And I freaking love it. Seriously, hearing from fans and followers is probably my favorite thing in the world. Or maybe it’s Nutella. Whatever. Hearing from you guys is definitely one of my top two favorite things in the world.
Recently, I’ve gotten a few questions from ladies who are dealing with the same issue. There’s a man in their lives that’s perfect for them, but they’re just not attracted to him. Basically, his personality rocks, but there’s no physical attraction. Should a woman date a guy she’s not attracted to? Well, I know this is annoying, but I’m going to answer your questions with a few of my own questions.
What do you mean?
“Not attracted to him” can mean a lot of things. Is he just not your type? Were you not physically attracted at first? Are you actually revolted by his face? If it’s just that you’re generally into the tall, dark and handsome type and this guy is 5’6 and blond, then I say get over your “type” and get onto a great guy. But, if the thought of him with his shirt off is enough to make you vomit, then there’s probably no point perusing this. Defining what “not attracted” means to you in this situation should help you figure this out.
Is there chemistry?
I have several wonderful straight male friends whom I find very attractive (you know who you are!) who have always been and will always be just friends. They have great personalities and are super attractive to me, but we just don’t have romantic chemistry. If chemistry isn’t there at all, physical attraction or not, the relationship isn’t going to work. So, ask yourself if you’re mixing up chemistry with physical attraction. You need that special spark to make a relationship work and if it’s not there, don’t push a relationship just because his personality is great.
Can you picture sex?
Love is obviously about a whole lot more than sex. But, sex is undeniably a critical part of a successful relationship. So, go ahead, close your eyes and think about sexy times with that guy. Seriously, do it now. I’ll wait here. It’s cool. Ok, now open them. What did that feel like—something that could be enjoyable or something closer to when your mom forced you to eat all your Brussels sprouts? You’ve got to want to have sex with him to date him, so be sure it’s something you could enjoy. If it’s not, run, do not walk, to the friend zone.
While I can’t answer this question specifically for every woman who asked me, I will say that looks fade and certainly aren’t the most important part of a relationship. However, sex and chemistry are significant relationship factors that can’t be ignored. So, weight everything carefully before you make your decision and good luck!
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