Recently, an article published in Thought Catalogue called This Is How We Date Now kept popping up in my Facebook newsfeed. My friends and colleagues were sharing it like crazy! Intrigued, I clicked the link and gave it a read.
I was immediately into it. This piece of writing described something that I’ve been seeing a lot of over the past few years as a matchmaker. People have stopped committing. With so many options out there readily available with the swipe of our finger, our sense of how to fall in love and keep it close has been warped.
Our ability to find someone who will support us, love us, be loyal to us, hold on to them, and nurture that relationship has been thrown off by the accessibility of other options. The urge to move on to the next shiny new thing overwhelms us. We compare ourselves to those we see around us, and don’t look within to recognize what we ultimately need, and nurture the relationships that we have built.
My colleague, Jason Silver, always points to this amazing saying that I think reflects what the article was describing.
It goes like this…
‘A matchmaker met a beautiful woman in her late 30’s who was a well-known news anchor in her city. The woman told the matchmaker that she couldn’t figure out why she had not found the right man yet. She only wanted five things in a guy.
He had to be smart, funny, wealthy, athletic, and good looking.
The matchmaker said, “Sweetie, you have it all wrong.
If he’s really smart, he can manipulate you.
If he’s really funny, he can mock you.
If he’s very wealthy, he can lose all of his money in an instant.
If he’s athletic, he can always gain weight.
And trust me… if he’s good looking, looks change over time. And when your spouse turns 80 years old, I guarantee you that looks won’t matter as much.
What you need is a man with a good heart. A good heart will never change.”
And it’s true! If you are able to find someone with a hugely kind heart, keep him or her close to you. People who possess this quality make you feel loved unconditionally. You will be able to trust them, feel supported by them, and know that a truly loyal partner loves you and is committed to building a life with you.
If you are having trouble finding and keeping love, then you need to stop looking for the next shiny new fling. Let’s face it. The preliminary excitement always dies down anyway! Once you find someone who has the heart that you have been looking for, hold on tight. They will be worth the work that goes into whatever comes next.