The Men's Room - Love and Relationship Advice From a Man For Women

Why Your Ex Sucks

exsucksDid that get your attention? I knew it would.

How did that statement make you feel?

Your ex sucks.

They are a complete pain in the butt.

Whenever you see them, you see that condescending glance they give you. That look on their face. Doesn’t it just make you think, boy this person sucks?

Did I make you feel good going down memory lane?

For those of you who share kids with somebody, you know that sometimes your ex can really suck.

I’ve talked about this before. Your ex sucks because they constantly trigger you, you trigger them, and it becomes a trigger party.

It’s so much fun to be able to relive the dynamics of the relationship that were the reason it didn’t work out.

When you don’t share kids with somebody, your ex should never suck at all. As a matter of fact, you should be happy that you don’t have to be with them.

You learn whatever lesson you need to from them and you can move forward. They don’t have to trigger you any more. You don’t ever have to see them again, unless you choose to be friends. I happen to be friends with a lot of my exes.

But when you share a child with somebody, and you haven’t moved on yet energetically, and they’re still teaching you many things, your ex can really suck.

There are many things that exes can do, but the biggest thing you need to do is to realize that they’re still triggering you. They’re still showing up because they have great lessons to teach you.

So instead of getting angry and saying God my ex sucks. Start thinking about what lessons they can teach you. What lessons are they showing up to teach you?

If you’re still getting triggered by their snarky texts or comments, it means you still have something to learn from them.

If their judgmental, contemptuous looks are still triggering you, they’re still engaging you. And that is something you need to stop doing. You need to stop engaging with them.

You might have an ex, like a lot of other exes, who just love to engage.

They love it.

They love the drama.

They love to engage. They might have something to gain from all of the engagement. They might still need you financially. They might still need you in some way. It might just be the mess they made and they can’t take responsibility.

Who knows.

It’s not important. Whatever game they’re running, whatever drive they have, whatever outcome they’re trying to get from you, it doesn’t make a difference.

You have to figure out why they’re still triggering you. What is it out there that has pulled the trigger and what lesson have you not learned?

They’re showing up every single day for you to learn that lesson.

So next time your ex triggers you, don’t get mad at them, they’re just being themselves. They’re being the same person you no longer can be with, who didn’t work for you romantically.

They don’t know how to be anybody but that person. They might even like that person, love that person, and enjoy being that person. They may like the dynamic of engaging you, and not taking responsibility for anything.

They may like all that stuff. That’s not the lesson. The lesson runs deeper. It’s a deeper lesson that’s showing up for you to learn.

Your ex doesn’t suck. It sucks that you’re still being triggered by them. You need to look deeper into the whole message they’re giving you.

They don’t suck.

You suck because you’re actually responding to them. You suck because you’re still allowing them to trigger you. You suck because you haven’t figured it out yet.

So go figure it out.

Figure out why you’re letting this person who should no longer be able to trigger you, who no longer means anything to you romantically, figure out why they’re still sucking your energy and why you’re still letting them.

Once you do, you’ll start feeling so much better. The snarky texts, the words they say, the poking they do, will no longer bother you.

They’re just rose petals falling to the ground. They’re just words. They’re not darts, they’re just words.