As a young teen, I used to love reading my tween magazines to get my fill of celebrity gossip, beauty tips and love advice. Having yet to experience a real relationship, I relied heavily on these magazines to give me the inside scoop on how to win over my crush (I feel like most of the advice in these magazines was directly related to the act of getting your crush to notice you, flirt with you and inevitably fall in love with you). The problem, however, was that all of the advice was more or less the same: Ask your crush out.
It seemed like solid advice at the time. Girl power, am I right? Why not take the reins and make things happen on your own terms? After all, guys just love a confident girl. Unfortunately, no matter how much I bought into this advice, I never actually did ask my crush out, and now I’m glad I didn’t.
Here are the reasons why you shouldn’t ask that guy out:
It changes the gender roles.
Men are hunters, right? So why are you doing the hunting for him? By asking him out, you’ve completely reversed the roles. You now have a penis and he has a vagina. You now wear the pants and he wears the skirt. You now watch UFC fights on the weekends while he catches up on Antiques Roadshow. Anyways, you get my point. The reversal of gender roles will never ever work in your favor, I promise you.
It allows him to be lazy.
When it comes right down to it, most guys are lazy (sorry I’m not sorry). They would much rather not put in the work to get the girl (mainly because if he’s rejected by said girl then he has to admit that he actually had feelings for her). By asking him out, you have rewarded his lazy behavior. If the relationship does work out, expect to be doing most of the work because you’ve already made it clear that lazy behavior is perfectly acceptable.
It will lead to resentment.
In my last serious relationship, I was the pursuer. I didn’t ask him out, but I did make the first move and made it very clear that I was into him. We ended up having a great relationship, but no matter how much time had passed, I could never let go of the fact that I had to make the first move. Did I force him into dating me? Would he have made a move if I hadn’t? Why wasn’t I good enough for him to make the first move? All of these questions lead to me resenting him, and in my opinion, contributed to the downfall of our relationship.
At the end of the day, if a guy is into you he will make the effort. Granted, it may take some time, and perhaps a bit of nudging, but it will happen. Don’t allow the guy to take easy way out by sitting back and making you do all of the work! You’re worth the effort, and if he doesn’t see that then he’s not the right guy for you.