The Men's Room - Love and Relationship Advice From a Man For Women

The Three Ways To Find Out If You’re Dating The Right Person

Let’s be open today.

Let’s be honest. I want you to raise your hand if you really like the entire process of dating – everything about it, from the ghosting to the benching.

Benching, by the way, is putting somebody on the sidelines and making you date other people and deciding whether or not you want to go see them again while they’re in reserve.

Flaking, texting, misconnection… How many of you truly, really like dating? Raise your hands.

It’s no wonder why, when you finally do meet somebody, instead of seeing the person that’s coming up in front of you, you create a story about you and them.

You create the story “us,” which is actually the story of your own needs, wants and desires. So what do you do?

What do most people do? (and I’m guilty of it, as well)

We overlook the things that are most important to us, because we say to ourselves, “Oh no worries, they’ll become affection.“

“Oh no worries they’ll become a better listener.“

“Oh no worries they’ll become more motivated.”

“No worries they’ll just become like, fantastic.”

Really, how many of the people in your past became exactly what you thought they were going to be? Raise your hand right now.

How many of the people that you dated in your past became the person that you hoped they were going to become when you started into story mode, when you were first dating them? Raise your hand.

Well, that’s why there are three steps to making love work.

The first step is:

#1: Do not sleep with somebody until you actually see who they really are.

I’m not giving you a time limit.

I’m not telling you not to sleep with somebody for 30 days, 100 days, 75 hours.

I’m telling you to stop Googling “when to sleep with somebody,” and I’m telling you to listen right now. You only sleep with somebody when you see who they really, truly are.

Who are they? How do they react on a day-to-day basis? Are they affectionate on the levels that you need them to be? Do they listen to you? Do they remember things?

Do you feel comfortable?

Do you feel safe?

Do you feel loved?

The list goes on and on and on.

And if you don’t know how you want to feel safe…

If you don’t know what you want…

You need to work on that yourself. You need to work on your own love blueprint.

Which leads us to…

#2: Feeling safe.

Do you feel safe in their presence?

Do they make you feel safe?

Are you able to be yourself?

Are they critical of things?

Do they evaluate?

Do they judge you based on your past?

All of a sudden you tell them a story of how you used to be, and you feel them starting to judge you or put you on a microscope, literally judging you for the things you did in the past.

See, the past is really what made you the amazing person that you are now. But a lot of people are past-judgers.

And a past-judger will never make you feel safe because they’re judging you on the past.

And when they judge you on your past, they’re giving you a preview of how they are going to judge in the present and the future.

#3: Do they show up?

Are they constantly texting you?

Are they calling you?

Are they staying true and being who they really are?

Are they words-and-action people, or are they just words people?

There are so many things to look for before you sleep with somebody.

Open your eyes. Stop creating the hope story and start seeing the light and the love story before you get under the sheets.

There’s nothing wrong with a little bit of dry humping. But before you create your own love story, you need to see who the characters are.