Here’s the number one dating mistake.
Hoping they will change.
I’m about to tell you something I want you to remember. It’s a visual I’d like you to put inside your brain.
Think of a man you’re dating right now. Think about the relationship dynamic. Are you looking for him to change or become something you wish he would be?
Have you ever been involved in a relationship with somebody and that man never, ever changed no matter how many times you explained yourself? No matter how many times you begged, you pleaded. No matter how many times you opened up to him. He still didn’t understand how important it was to you that he needed to change in some way.
It’s the number one dating mistake all humans make. They think that someone is going to change.
Here’s what I want you realize.
I want you to visualize that man. Either the one you’re with right now or the one who frustrated you so much, who left you feeling so wounded, and not in the mood to be vulnerable again.
I want you to picture him, in diapers.
The only humans you can ever change are the young ones, who wear diapers.
Think about the man you’re frustrated with. Imagine putting a diaper on him. Imagine putting him on a changing table. You know those changing tables that you see in mall bathrooms. The ones you pull down from the wall.
Imagine lifting this grown man up onto the changing table. Lifting his legs up, taking the Pampers off. Or the Huggies. Picture putting a new diaper on his man ass.
The ones who wear diapers are the only ones you can change.
You can’t change a grown man’s diaper because, of course, a grown man has outgrown diapers.
I want you to remember this visual the next time you’re frustrated. The next time you’re thinking about changing somebody. The next time you’re trying to get your point across or to get somebody to love you the way you need to be loved. The next time you’re having endless conversations about why they’re not changing. Why they’re not willing to grow.
The only person who can change somebody is that person themself.
That’s what life is all about. It’s about being willing to make the changes yourself.
One of the first changes you need to make is changing your thinking that you can change somebody else.
We can’t change anybody else. We can only change ourselves.
So if you’re constantly thinking about changing somebody, thinking about ways you can have a conversation to get a person to make certain changes, I strongly suggest you change yourself.
That’s all we have the power to do. We only have the power to accept ourselves.
So I accept myself for who I am. If I’m with somebody and I love them, I accept them for who they are. They may be willing and able to grow with me, and make some changes, but I accept them for who they are.
I get to make the decision of whether or not I can live with who they are. I’m not going to try to get them to change.
I’m not going to try to get them to change. I’m going to allow them to be the amazing person that they are. If that amazing person is not an amazing person who I want to connect with on a romantic basis, I’m going to allow myself to leave.
I’m going to give myself permission to accept the fact that they don’t want to grow with me. I’m going to honor the fact that they want to live the life they’re living. They’re comfortable with themselves.
I think that’s fine, because there’s always somebody out there who’s willing to grow and change with you. There are some people who like the way things are.
Stop beating yourself over the head. Stop trying to make somebody change.
Once again, the only human being you can ever change is the little baby in diapers.