Patti's Blog

Should I tell him I cheated?

unlucky in love
As a matchmaker, I’m normally involved in the happiest parts of the relationship—the first date, the first kiss, the commitment to monogamy and eventually the wedding. It’s a really, really great gig! That being said, I’m also a relationship expert and I know that relationships aren’t always smooth sailing. Scratch that. Relationships are never completely smooth sailing. They’re hard work and all of them have their rough patches. And some rough patches are rougher than others. The roughest of the rough is cheating. When you’re the cheater, the big question is should I tell him I cheated? You need to ask yourself some serious questions before you make a decision on that. Here they are:


Is it over?

Is the cheating over or is it on going? Was it a one-time thing or a long-term relationship? If it’s over, then there may be less of a reason to let him know. A one-time drunken mistake that wasn’t emotionally driven is very different than a long-term relationship that’s continuing. I’m not saying that a one-night stand when you’re in a committed relationship is a fine thing to do. It’s absolutely not. It’s just that if it’s one and done and never going to be repeated, it’s a different kettle of fish than if you have a lover that you’ve emotionally invested in.


Were you safe?

So, you had sex outside of your relationship. Obviously, that’s no good. But, it’s a whole lot worse if you didn’t use protection. If you had any kind of sex (and that includes oral and anal! Sorry, but had to go there.) without protection you have to tell your man. Hands down. No exceptions. You can’t expose him to STDs. And I know breaking his heart is going to be hard, but his heart will heal. If you give him an incurable disease like herpes, nothing is every going to fix that.


Do you want to stay with your man?

You cheated. Think about why. Is it because you actually don’t want to stay with your man? I know on the surface you might not realize that infidelity could mean there are problems with your current relationship, but I find that more times than not, when a woman cheats, it’s because she wants out of her current relationship. Think about it.


What would you want him to do?

What if the tables were turned and he were unfaithful to you? Would you want him to tell you? Everyone has a different answer to this. Personally, I’d want to know because I believe in 100% honesty in relationships. Other people wouldn’t want to know, especially if it were a one-time thing. Think about what you would want before you make a decision on what to do with him.


So, I can’t tell you what to do or what’s right for your relationship. I just hope these questions help guide your decision-making. Good luck out there, girl.