The Healthy Heart

Is Being Single Totally Exhausting?

Frustrated single woman bangs her head against the wallLately, I’ve heard a lot of talk about how being single is exhausting…no surprise there! Repeatedly getting your hopes up before a date, only to have it be a total disaster can start to weigh on you, and between all of the online dating sites, apps and communication (texting, emails, gchat, phone calls…) you have to manage, dating can start to feel like a chore. If dating is just one more thing on your to-do list, and exasperates you rather than excites you, you may have a case of singles burnout on your hands. Here is how to get back to a place where dating is more exciting than exhausting.

Remove the pressure.

One of the main reasons why being single and dating stops being fun is the pressure we put on ourselves to find love. Instead of enjoying the moment, we jump from person to person, relationship to relationship, desperate to find the PERFECT person for us. We have on-going text message conversations with multiple potential matches, we are constantly scrolling through sites and apps for more, and added to our daily commitments-job, friends and family, health and fitness-it becomes a bit much to handle. While there is definitely nothing wrong with wanting to find the right person for you, the intense pressure to find love and find it now makes dating feel like a stressful job, not like romance. Take it one date at a time.

Date yourself.

Being single isn’t a punishment! So many singles don’t take advantage of the benefits that come along with being unattached, and in turn, are miserable and uncomfortable at the thought of spending time alone. Your single status definitely has it’s perks though, don’t forget it! You have more freedom, more options and less to worry about when it comes to big decisions (should I take that job across the country?) or small ones (can I have cereal for dinner again?) since the only person who really matters is YOU.  When you relish your single status instead of think of it as something you need to “fix”, you learn how to fulfill yourself, to make yourself happy, and to enjoy life as it is, now. The hidden benefit of all this solo-dating is that you automatically become a million times more attractive to the opposite sex, simply because you no longer need a relationship to fulfill you. As cliche’ as it may be, when you aren’t desperate, needy or under pressure to find love, you usually walk right into it.

Take Control

When something that is supposed to be fun sand optional (dating, I’m looking at you…) starts consistently stressing you out, it might be time to pull back a bit. Giving yourself, and your heart, a break can be just what you need to come back to the dating game refreshed and full of good energy. When you do get back in the midst of it all, it’s up to you to control your dating experience. If you don’t want to get caught up text messaging twelve different men from Tinder, make the decision to be more selective with who you’ll give your number too. If the thought of going on first dates during the work-week means you’re tired and distracted during your company’s early morning meetings, institute a first date on the weekends only rule. Have fun dating, but make sure you’re doing it on your own terms! While you can’t control a bad date or a broken heart, you do get to dictate how much time, energy and emotion you want to invest in your dating life. This might change weekly, and that’s ok! When you feel stressed out or tired, pull back, and when you feel like your tank is full and you have more to give, put yourself out there more! Dating might be a game, but don’t forget that you can write your own rules!