Patti's Blog

Keeping the spark alive post kids

Your kids, they’re amazing. They’re adorable. They’re the lights of your life. Kids bring so much joy into parents’ lives, but it’s a fact that it’s tough to keep relationship sparks smoldering post kids. Here’s three super simple strategies to keep the spark alive. Put down the Desitin or take a break from school play costume sewing and give these pointers a quick read. Your husband and your kids will be glad you did.

Plan a weekly date night

Take one night a week for you and your hubby to have alone time. I know babysitters are expensive and that’s why a lot of parents can’t do a weekly date. But it’s incredibly important, so I say get creative. Why not strike up an arrangement with another family? They’ll take your kids on Tuesday nights and you’ll take theirs on Wednesday nights. You’re saving two sparks with one deal! And honestly, it’s even better if this weekly date ends in some weekly sex. With kids around, sometimes sex only happens if you plan it. And sex is a mega-crucial part of the spark. So, make it happen, even if it takes a recurring calendar reminder!

Do things separately (and I don’t mean your jobs)

Think about why you fell in love with your guy. He was interesting to you, right? He could teach you things you’d never learn on your own. He opened you up to new experiences and opportunities. You two have to spend some time apart—and I don’t mean at your separate jobs—to be able to keep up that exciting element of your relationship. So, every once in a while, take the kids by yourself overnight so he can spend some time doing the hobbies he had before the babies. And he should do the same for you. You two need to maintain separate identities that aren’t just mommy, daddy, or worker bee to keep your relationship chugging.

Use the lock on your bedroom door

Your bedroom door has a lock, so use it. And I don’t mean use it occasionally. I mean use it at least once a week. I’m not saying your kids shouldn’t come into your bedroom. Of course they should! But there needs to be special mommy/daddy time on a regular basis when you know your children won’t come charging in. Sex is ideal, but I understand that’s not always going to be the case. Even an intimate cuddle or just a chance to catch your breath together, completely privately, will do wonders for your relationship. And believe me, your kids will survive for an hour without your attention. That’s why cartoons were invented!