How to find love when it’s not finding you

I just finished reading Rebooting in Beverly Hills by Marcy Miller. 40 plus singles, get a copy now! I mean that. It’s a funny and honest look at dating later in life, something I can surely relate to. Reading the book got me thinking about how love is like a big game of hide and seek. But in this dating version of hide and seek, it can feel like you’re doing all of the seeking and no one’s ever seeking you.

Not to spoil the ending, but Marcy found love in her quest and very rarely got discouraged, even when it seemed like she was playing that unfair version of hide and seek. Her attitude toward dating impressed me so much, I thought I’d throw together a Rebooting in Beverly Hills-inspired list of ways to find love when it feels like it’s not looking for you.


What would you do if you needed a job right now? You’d tell every single person you knew that you were looking for employment. You’d also probably be really specific about your skills and what you’re looking for in a gig, right? Well, looking for love isn’t much different. Tell everyone you know, including you friends, your family and your hairdresser. Marcy even got her gynecologist involved. Let them know that you’re looking for love and be specific. If you have hard and fast non-negotiables like religion or location, let your network know. If you’re a loud mouth enough, someone will pull through with a fantastic set up.

Be interesting

What I love about this book is that Marcy was out to meet an interesting man, so she went out and did interesting things. She went to charity galas, art events and even sat at fancy bars by herself. I know it sounds so simple, but I’ve had so many women come to me, explaining that there are no worthy men out there. When I ask what they’ve done to meet men, they don’t have much to offer. Ladies, you need to be interesting to attract interesting people. So get up and get out! You’re not going to meet anyone on your couch watching Law & Order.

Say yes

In improv comedy, there’s a rule that you always need to answer any suggestion on stage with “yes, and… ” It keeps a scene moving and opens your scene up to possibilities that you never even considered. In dating too, saying yes is normally the right way to go. At least for a first date. You never know what kind of connection you’ll have with someone until you meet him. So don’t discriminate based on a description. Say yes and go see for yourself. Marcy said yes to all kinds of dates, and while most of them didn’t pan out, one of them eventually did. Your forever guy could be one “yes” away.

Dress up

Another thing I love about this book is that Marcy just accepts a truth that physical appearance is important when it comes to dating. Of course, appearance isn’t everything in a relationship. Past a certain point, looks are almost nothing. But when it comes to first impressions, looks are everything. Be prepared to make the kind of impression you want to. I know you have the perfect first date outfit picked out, but take the time to pick a few good pre-date outfits and wear them frequently. Your next future first date could be right around the corner. Do you look hot enough to snag his number?