The rules of PDA: How much is too much?

Death, taxes and PDA. Yep, I include public displays of affection as one of the few constants in life. As long as people are in love and you’re not living in hiding, there’s going to be some public loving. PDA can be totally acceptable. Adorable, even. But it’s a slippery slope that can also be icky and completely inappropriate. Here’s a quick rundown of the yeses and nos.

Yes: Stolen smooches
A little peck here or a forehead kiss there? Yes, go for it.

No: Tongue Kissing
Here’s where your tongue belongs when you’re out in public — in your mouth. Your own mouth. There is never an occasion where French kissing in public is appropriate. Even in France. Probably even especially in France.

Yes: Thigh rub
A quick rub of your boo’s thigh under the table is cute. You want to tell him that you’re thinking of him. And maybe even thinking of him naked. That’s fine. A little thigh rub that no one can see is the perfect way.

No: Butt touching
Butt stuff is private. Period. I shouldn’t have to explain this, but I see so many couples with their hands on each other’s butts. It’s ridiculous.

Yes: Holding hands
Hold hands till the cows come home. This is a totally fine act of PDA for any couple of any age in any setting. I just about melted when Barack and Michelle held hands on The View. Did you guys see it? So sweet!

Yes: Arm squeeze
It’s really sweet when I see a woman engrossed in conversation reach over and squeeze her man’s upper arm to let him know she’s thinking about him, even though she’s talking about the sale at Bergdorf’s.

No: Rub downs
Couples that can’t stop rubbing each other, you’ve got to give it a rest. And I know you think it’s fine as long as you continue the conversation with us. Really though, that makes it worse. Eye contact with you when you’re rubbing your man’s back for five minutes is a no.

Yes: Mussing hair
A little hair tousle when you’re joshing with him can be playful and cute.

No: Head caressing
This is passionate stuff. Everyone loves a little heavy petting in the bedroom. Keywords — In. The. Bed. Room.

I’m giving you this lecture and it’s a total case of the pot calling the kettle black. Of course, I’ve been guilty of less than classy PDA. New love, it does that to you. Who else here has crossed the PDA line? Don’t leave me hanging!