Welcome to Ask Patti! My weekly advice column where I answer your questions. If you have a question, just tweet me with the #AskPatti hashtag or click on that cute little widget in the right rail. See it? Just a little lower. Ok, you got it. Cute, right? Click on it and it totally sets you up to tweet at me.
All right, on to this week’s question.
— Ashley Shepard (@SmashleyShepard) September 18, 2013
Great question. Even the fact that you’re looking for ways to spice up your marriage shows me that you’re a great partner to your husband and really put effort into maintaining your relationship, which I like to hear. Relationships are about way more than falling in love. They’re about staying in love, which takes work. So, here are three tips I have for getting the excitement and intimacy back into your marriage.
Make a weekly sex date and stick to it. I know, you’re asking for ways to spice up your relationship and I’m saying to create a schedule. It sounds counterintuitive. But, it’s not. What I see happen in long-term relationships is that it’s not just the spark that dies, it’s the love and feeling. The actual intimacy and the connection fades, not just the excitement. Maintaining a regularly intimate and affectionate relationship will help with that swooning thing.
All right, you’ve got your weekly sessions down, but that doesn’t mean you can’t rock the boat a little with some unscheduled sexy times. From time to time, surprise him with extra out of the blue loving. I love to tease my man and really build up the anticipation. In the morning, leave something sexy, like a pair of lacy underwear, in a place you know he’ll find it later in the day. I suggest his briefcase or pants pocket. Toward the end of the day, call or text him with a sexy message about how he better hurry home because you have something special waiting for him. Light some candles, leave a note at the front door for him to meet you in the bedroom and let him find you in bed wearing something sexy with a bottle of champagne. Don’t let the action start right away though. I’m telling you, anticipation is the key to this. Pour him a glass of champs and wait until he finishes the whole thing before you get into it. If that doesn’t add some pep to your relationship, I don’t know what will.
Manage your expectations
Here’s the truth, your relationship is never going to be what it used to be. But that’s not a bad thing. That’s the beautiful thing about relationships. They’re evolving, changing and growing. And even though it’s not exactly the same as when you two fell in love, that doesn’t mean that it’s worse at all. You two probably have a deeper, more meaningful connection after all of those years of marriage. And just because there are less backseat make out sessions doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It really sounds to me like you’re doing a whole lot right. So, pat yourself on the back and try not to spend too much time pining for the past. Enjoy the fantastic relationship you have now!
Even though it’s not exactly the same as when you two fell in love, that doesn’t mean that it’s worse at all.
Can’t wait to answer more of your questions. Tweet me and I’ll get back to one of you next week!