Patti has been a part of our lives for nearly ten years now. She is a friend, a confidant and, honestly, family. We love her to death and we want nothing but magic and happiness for her. We wish Patti a very special happy birthday with all the love in our hearts. Big kiss and tequila shots on us!
Here, in honor of her birthday, is our gift of five celebrity matches. They’re in the mail, Patti, wearing nothing but bows!
1. Viggo Mortensen
Patti’s number one celeb crush for a while now. Viggo is the perfect guy for her. Handsome, strapping and intelligent. Viggo would become the Lord of her G-string!
2. Alexander Skarsgard
From Patti’s favorite TV show, True Blood, we give her Alexander Skarsgard! Blond, super tall and incredibly fit with a slip and slide that goes on for miles, Patti would love to have her blood drained by this vampire!
3. Gerard Butler
After his performances in 300 and Law Abiding Citizen, the fiery Brit may be just what her “hot gates” need!
4. Denis Leary
The funny guy and Rescue Me star would fulfill all of Patti’s firefighter fantasies. His sharp, dry wit would definitely match Patti’s razor edge.
5. Jason Statham
The bald, British badass. Maybe a hair shorter than Patti normally goes for, but his chiseled looks, bad boy persona and heart of gold would melt her legs like butter!
Happy birthday, Patti!