Patti's Blog

What if he doesn’t want kids, but you do?

Woman holds her newborn babyLet’s get serious for a second and talk about deal breakers. There are superficial things, like chewing with his mouth open, using too much hair product or using the word “literally” to actually mean “figuratively.” When it comes to deal breakers like those, I say get over them and get over yourself. Literally, and I actually mean literally, no one out there is perfect. You’re going to have to accept some flaws if you want to find a life partner. That being said, there are some deal breakers that simply can’t be gotten over. And the kiddie question is one of them. Here’s how to deal if you’re dating a man who doesn’t want kids and you do.

Talk about it

It’s easy to assume a man doesn’t want kids based on some misinterpreted comments. So, sit down and have a conversation about it and make sure you know his perspective on the issue. Talking about wanting or not wanting kids is more than just a one question convo. Start by asking him if he wants children. If the answer is no, delve a little deeper. Find out why he doesn’t want children. You likely won’t be able to change his mind, but knowing the reasoning behind this difference of opinion might make his stance more understandable.

Check in with yourself

Take some alone time to see how you’re feeling about the issue. Could you imagine your life without children? From personal experience, I can tell you that a life without biological children can be very fulfilling and fun. I absolutely love David’s children and they’ve added so much richness to my life. But, I lived without children for a most of my life and had a full, well-rounded life. This life certainly isn’t for everyone, though. Some women were born with a need to be a mother. And some women would embrace motherhood if it came their way. Others are dead set against kids. Do some soul searching and see where you fall on the spectrum. Try to take this man out of the picture and think specifically about motherhood and you.

Make a decision

This is the toughest step. You need to decide to stay with this man and accept a life without children or break up with him and look for a life partner who wants to be a father. I know a break up without a fight or real friction is one of the hardest types of break ups, but if children are your future, you need to end it as soon as possible. The sooner you do it, the sooner you can move on and find the father of your future children. If you do decide to stay with your man, don’t ever hold it against him that you don’t have children. You made the decision and had just as much say in this scenario as he did.

Anyone out there dealing with a man who doesn’t want kids? Any other tips?