The J Spot

AskJustin: Mixing business and pleasure & watching the game with your guy

Whew, I’m excited! The questions have been pouring in so thank you for all of the questions.  I will be answering a couple questions per week; unfortunately I cannot answer all of them.

How do I get business without putting out? I work in a sales role where my typical client is a middle-aged wealthy arrogant male. The industry is known for being a boys club and if you’re a female rep clients often expect more than just the product you’re offering if you want their business. How does an intelligent and professional female in the industry get business without lowering her standards?

Christina, 28
Scottsdale AZ

This is always a slippery slope in the business world. It’s no secret what the problem here is, MOST men mistake the flirting for interest and they run with it.Balance! Just like every other aspect in life. You must monitor your flirting or lack thereof and sense the mood and tone of your discussion.

Men understand the position of power and tend to use it to their advantage. Your job here is to focus like a pit-bull on a pot roast and keep it flirty professional because he may be thinking like a predatory sex lion, especially if dinner and drinks are involved.

Keep your eye on the prize and remember what it is you want. You may have to try a few different avenues to finally get what you want.

SURPRISE! The initial “business meeting” turned into a “business date” without the business and all the date.

Ladies, flirting is great during a business meeting when it’s not crossing the line of professionalism. What line you might ask? The line of classy vs. trashy, professional vs. unprofessional, or gratifying vs. used.

Remember if you do cross the line and end up getting physical with your business date, that’s your purgative. Just don’t go feeling guilty if you don’t receive whatever it was you were hoping for. No one has time for a sad sally. Bitterman party of 1, your table is ready.

These lines differ from woman to woman given current marital status so use your best judgment and feel out the situation.

When in doubt: Trust your gut

If the man doesn’t feel like he posses all of the power in this circumstance, then you did it seamlessly, suppressed his power, and now he wont be as likely to go in for the kill without the confidence he needed.

Keep the flirting to PG-13.

Make the man feel good about himself without giving away the goods and your on the first road to success and the first flight out of “it’s a mans world.”



Is it okay to hang with the guys to watch the game?

I’m a huge sports fan and enjoy watching the game with or without my guy. Recently, we’ve been going out to watch football on Sundays but I’m usually the only girl in the group. Is it okay for me to tag along or should I let him go on his own and have time with the guys and figure out my own game watch plans?

Jen, 34
Dallas, Texas

It’s game-time and your man wants to do his normal routine and hang out with the guys, but you really want to go. What do you do?There are certain occasions where I think it is acceptable for you to tag along, but don’t make it habitual.

Relationships are full of sacrifices, if he needs his guy time with his boys watching football let him be—assuming he uses his guy time card sparingly. Once a week is a fair assessment.

What is guy-time? Essentially its when men act like children, watch sports, talk about work and current events, ask advice, laugh, eat, drink, and vent about anything on their minds. The most important aspect to them is the camaraderie they share together.

Guy time to men is like shopping to women, its medicinal and a necessity. You will see the beneficial effects of it blossoming in your relationship through his actions. LADIES: Guy time is therapeutic for us men, we tend to come back to the nest better than we left.

That said, if he asks you if you want to go watch the game with him and his guy friends, it doesn’t mean he actually wants you to go. He is primarily asking you just to save-face and stay out of the doghouse. If he really wants you to go, you will know it.

Allow him to do his thing; if you tag along and he doesn’t want you there it doesn’t count as guy time with a girl thrown in the mix.

I’ve found from experience that if the trust is present, going out without your other half is never a problem. It’s only a problem if you don’t completely trust the other person because then suspicions and assumptions arise. Build that trust because it’s the foundation to any successful lasting relationship.

Men are like dogs, if you treat us like such we are happy! Three meals a day, plenty of attention, and don’t bark back. In return, we won’t act like dogs—don’t take this at face value.

Ask him in advance, “hey babe, we should plan to go out together and watch the games soon, I really want to go”.  The advantages are 1: He can now plan it 2: He knows your authentically interested in watching the game with him, and most importantly 3:He appreciates the way you asked as well your approach.

Conversely, I think it’s conducive for women to have time with their girlfriends! Whatever that thing is that you do with your girlfriends, keep doing it. Your man should let you have your girls’ night just as you will let him have his guy-time, and be happy about it!

Ask Justin

Send your questions to Justin on Twitter @JustinBirdTMM