According to an American Psychological Association journal article titled Happy Couples, along with the best selling book by Barbara De Angelis titled Are You the One for Me?: Knowing Who’s Right and Avoiding Who’s Wrong, pointed to five discernable qualities that a partnership must have to be successful.
Try to seek these qualities in your partner and make sure you take the risk to open yourself up to truly find out these qualities about someone else. This means you will need to critically analyze this person with fairness and total objectivity. In doing so, this can result in a deeper connection with this person and save you a lot of time and trouble as it will ensure you are on the right path to picking the right matches for yourself.
On the other hand, if someone does not meet these basic criteria then you should not consider this person a fitting partner for yourself and have the strength to walk away.
1. Honesty and Integrity
Honesty and trust are the main foundational components of any relationship; think of the structural similarities between friendships and romance. Without honesty and trust it is impossible to become intimate with someone, and on the other hand, if honesty and trust are broken, all intimacy goes out the window and the relationship is left with a cracked foundation that is next to impossible to repair. According to De Angelis, Honestly, integrity, and trustworthiness are indispensable ingredients for a healthy relationship. Moreover, not telling the truth is the most significant way couples kill passion and destroy their intimacy. When searching for a partner with integrity and honesty look for someone who is upfront about how they feel and who is honest with themselves and others. Also make sure this person is not a game player and who is consistently honest with you. Ask the right questions when getting to know this potential partner, questions like ‘have you lied or cheated in past relationships and if so, what happened?’ or ‘how do you feel about honesty in relationships do you think some things must be kept private or do you wear your feelings on your sleeve?’ Asking the right questions will save you a lot of time and effort in the long run, so be smart!
2. Intimacy and Transparency
Without intimacy and transparency how could we get close to anyone in our life? Life is about giving yourself and in order to give yourself you need to let people see you in a transparent and intimate way. The same goes with your partner; their life should be an open book, without secrets or games. Be aware of how this new potential partner makes you feel and how they let you into their life. Are they introducing you to their family? Friends? Colleagues? Do they confide in you with their thoughts, dreams and aspirations? Being emotionally open is a key ingredient to a happy and healthy relationship- so make sure you do not get short-changed with this component in your next relationship because you deserve someone who will bare their soul to you and who wants you to bare yours. After all, what’s the point of being in a romantic relationship if you two aren’t giving each other everything you have to offer, you both might as well be single.
Does this person do what they say they’re going to do? There is a lot to be said about someone who keeps his or her promises; this is a sign of a solid character. Keeping promises and being accountable is closely related to trust and intimacy, so without these it is hard to have a healthy and thriving relationship with someone. Never trust someone who keeps things vague and doesn’t follow through.
4. Ethical Actions
Is this person consistently fair and just? Are they a fair fighter or do they make you feel wrong even when you are right? It is very important to critically analyze your partner and make sure that their values and ethics are in tune with yours. Not being comfortable with another’s morals is a deal breaker and you should walk away if your ethics clash with your potential partner’s. What you see now is what you will get later, but only amplified, so make sure you like and are on the same page with this person’s ethical actions and intrinsic morals.
5. Partnership/ Proof of Alliance
Partnership is key in life, as human beings we always will need other human beings because life was meant to be shared. Your next potential mate should have a healthy perspective on this belief of partnership too, and they should demonstrate that they have your back at all times and are always wanting the best for you rather than just wanting the best for themselves. To make sure this person would make a good partner, critically analyze their actions and words, are they demonstrating that they operate from a place of ‘we’ or ‘me’?
Overall we need to discern for ourselves who will be a good partner for us, as no one knows us better than ourselves. However, if you seek the above 5 main qualities in your next partner your chances of finding a fabulous life-long partner for yourself is greatly increased along with your potential for happiness with them.