3 Things to do before bed to make you a better partner

meditateBeing in a relationship is hard work. And that hard work is constant. It’s not like a job you can clock in and out of. A relationship is round the clock, 24 hours a day, non-stop, open at all hours work. And it can be exhausting. I talk to couples all the time who are just exhausted from the work it takes to keep their relationship functioning. I normally advise these couples to reframe the work they’re doing. Instead of viewing it as work, I try to get them to think of their relationship maintenance as habits. Like how making a bed in the morning doesn’t seem like work if you do it every single morning, relationship heavy lifting can seem less burdensome if you do it so often it becomes rote. Here are three easy things to do before bed that will make you a better partner and your relationship a whole lot stronger. Hopefully, they’ll turn into habits and won’t feel like work for you!

Be grateful

Get a small journal and keep it on your nightstand. Before you go to bed every night, take a few moments and jot down three things from your day that you’re grateful for. They can be small things like the financial ability to treat yourself to a vanilla latte or bigger things like your family’s health and happiness. Make sure one of the things you write down pertains to why and how you’re grateful for your partner. Even if you’re angry at your man for something he did, don’t skip this. Actually, especially if you’re angry at your man for something he did, don’t skip this. Taking a moment to feel a little gratitude, even when you’re feeling a whole lot of any other less positive emotions, will make you a happier person, which always helps with being a better partner. And acknowledging your partner’s role in your happiness will make for a stronger relationship.


Be totally selfish for three full minutes before bed. Set a timer for three minutes and take that time to meditate. You don’t have to be Deepak Chopra, or even know who he is, to meditate. Meditation is more about focusing your attention and energy inward than anything spiritual or metaphysical. Take three little minutes to ground yourself and zone into yourself. It will help you with all kinds of mental blocks and anxiety and let you approach your relationship as the most you version of yourself, as opposed to the most stressed or mentally cluttered version of yourself. Your partner fell in love with you because you’re such a great person. Take a few minutes to focus on that great person every day and you’ll be doing your partner and your relationship a huge favor.

Have sex

I’m not sure how much I have to spell out here, but sex is an important part of a relationship. If you’re not having sex on a frequent basis, there’s something wrong with your relationship that you need to fix…by having sex. Sex literally brings a couple together and it makes both of you feel good. I know after a while in a relationship, sex can feel like a chore. But, do it and your relationship will thank you. And even if your boo is traveling and you’re sleeping alone, I still say get some pleasure. Hit the vibes, lady! Sex isn’t just good for your relationship, it’s good for the human body. So, take care of yourself by taking care of yourself!

If you can incorporate these three simple pre-bed rituals into your routine, you’ll notice a huge difference in your happiness as a person and a partner. I do most of these even when I’m single and feel a whole lot better when I’m consistent with them. So, hope these help you, too!