An age old question people in relationships wonder is “Are we having enough sex?” It’s hard to gauge what’s normal in relationships because I doubt most people are accurate in reporting their sex stats. Plus, who really cares what’s normal? What’s matter is what’s enough sex for your relationship, which may be way more or way less than any other “normal” couple. So the real question here is are you two having enough sex for you two? Here’s how to tell.
The turn down count
Are either one of you getting turned down for sex a lot? That’s a big indication that there’s not enough sexin’ in your relationship. And that could lead to other problems because when you’re offering yourself up in the most intimate way, being rejected feels really, really bad. And feeling crummy like that over and over again can make for a generally grody feeling. So, think about if you’re being rejected for sex a lot or if you’re rejecting your partner a lot. And “a lot” can mean a variety of things, but I think a good metric is getting rejected two times in a row. That’s too many times in a row for my liking. If that’s happening in your relationship, it sounds like it’s time to think about how to have more sex in a way that makes both of you feel wanted and appreciated.
Back it up
I hear a lot of couples complain about not having as much sex as they had when they were first dating. Well, duh! That’s like complaining about gravity. It’s just a fact of life that you’re not going to have first-year-of-dating sex for your entire relationship. We age. Our schedules change. Our sex drive change. Our relationship changes. But, that doesn’t mean you should disregard your old levels of sexual activity. I think a good rule is to think about how much sex you had at first and then aim for 25% to 50% of that amount of sex now. If you’re below that range, you definitely should think about how to kick it up a notch.
Talk about it
If you’re not sure if your partner is satisfied with your sex sessions or if you know that you need more out of your sex life, then say something. I fully understand that sex is super awkward to talk about. But, it’s too important to a relationship to completely avoid discussing just because it makes you a little uncomfy. Fight through the awkwardness and find out how you two can work on a sex level that satisfies both of you and you’ll be really glad you did. It’ll save you from Googling your way into articles like these!
Remember, you’re not looking to have the right amount of sex according to Cosmo.com or compared to your best friend and her husband. You’re aiming to have the right amount of sex for you and your partner. So, figure out what this is and aim for it!