Relationships

The secret to loving like you’ve never been hurt

We’ve all had our hearts broken. It’s part of the risk we take when we get into a relationship. The problem is that many of us make decisions based on those heartbreaks that get in the way of us creating the type of relationship we desire. We decide that because a past partner cheated, “all men/women are cheaters and can’t be trusted.” Or we decide that we are unlovable because we spent so much time chasing unavailable partners.

Many of you have become cynical in the search for love and are shielding your heart from hurt… and joy too. Or you are afraid to take risks, holding on to the fear of being hurt again.

We want you to know it doesn’t have to be that way.

Sadly, this only brings more heartache, as the emotional vibration we hold is the rudder on our boat. Holding on to all the fear, anger, sadness, hurt, shame and guilt from our past relationships only creates more experiences to bring these feelings into the present.

In order to have loving, lasting relationship, we must be willing to be vulnerable. When we can truly appreciate the lessons learned along the way, each painful experience becomes the road map to your Beloved.

We call this finding the Golden Nugget. There is a nugget of learning that is for your own personal growth that you can recover from every heartbreak. Commit yourself to finding it, and that growth will set you free from the pain and move you forward on your journey to love.

Finding the Golden Nugget will allow you to forgive those past hurts and grow into a more loving human being. Write a letter to your past partner and share all the lessons you learned about yourself by spending time together.  Express your gratitude for all the growth you gained from those experiences.

Then burn the letter. Make a ritual of it. Imagine releasing all of your fear, anger, sadness, hurt, shame or guilt that you’ve been holding onto. Feel lightness and joy returning to you, opening your heart to receive.

You may also need to do some forgiveness work in order to release any remaining negative emotions. When we hold grudges and hold on to anger and resentment, that energy contracts.

Whom are you holding a grudge against?

Do you owe someone an apology?

Maybe it’s yourself?

Put your hand on your heart and tune in to your emotional self as you say this: “I forgive myself for judging myself for _____________,” and fill in the blank. It not only feels good to say it out loud, it puts your entire being at a higher vibration and cancels any negative dialog out of your subconscious.

So take a moment today and open up to the energy of forgiveness. Ah, that feels good, doesn’t it?

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  • Laura

    Thank you for this article! It’s nothing but the truth. I forgave the man I lived for 8 years for not being able to love me the way I deserved even though I loved him more than he deserved. My time with him taught me valuable lessons that I’ll carry with me until the day I died. He died a few months ago. Now I’m free to love someone again, and free for someone to love me the way I deserve. I think my golden nugget has found me, but he’s afraid of I don’t know what. I think I may have to shake him up a little bit because I think he’s worth it. He really makes me happy and although I think he wants to be with me, I feel he’s afraid to take a chance on me and set himself free to love me. I will give it a try although I know I can’t make someone do anything they don’t want to do. So I need to find out before I move on from this nugget to the search of the next nugget… I’m not afraid of trying. Worst case scenario, my heart gets hurt again, but I know I can survive this one as well, and try again. Thank you again for your article!

  • Paula

    Hi Patty, I am writing you from Argentina (South America). I ´ve watched your tv show and I learnt many things about dating. This time my concern is about the guy I am dating for almost 3 months. He has recently been divorced and has 2 kids. He says he has lost the ability of loving and he doesn’t know if he will fall in love again. That´s make me wonder what am I to him and our chance of being together in the near future. What should I do? Thanks.