The Men's Room - Love and Relationship Advice From a Man For Women

What Will You Risk For Love

So you met a man.

He’s different.

He’s unique.

He’s pretty much everything you wanted.

It’s almost like you placed an order with the universe. You worked on yourself for all these years, then you called a number and you just showed up.

Risk for LoveHe walks different, he talks different. He expresses himself different.

When you kiss him, you feel lightheaded. Almost like you did back when you were 16 years old and you had your first make out session with your boyfriend in high school.

The way he talks. The way he listens to you.

When you call him, or when he calls you, you get goose bumps.

There’s something so different about him, something you can’t explain, but still you crave more from him.

His looks are everything you like.

On paper he looks like a great man.

When he speaks, his words resonate with you.

But then, you become a union, and instead of going with what you instinctually feel, you start thinking things through.

He sends you a great text, calls you on the phone, writes you a nice email. And you start overthinking.

It’s human nature when a great man shows up in our life to do what? Overthink.

The natural thing would be to embrace it. If we were all pure and innocent and open like we were when we were kids, we would embrace amazing and we wouldn’t rationalize or over think it.

Unfortunately, we’re no longer these beautiful innocent little boys and girls, so we tend to overthink just about everything we do.

His words, his actions, everything makes sense. The problem is, it makes so much sense that you start freaking out.

In life, I have found that when amazing shows up most people feel like they don’t deserve it. It’s a common thing.

Why? Because we spend most of our lives in our heads. We spend our lives thinking about things, not realizing that amazing things can show up. When they do show up, it usually scares the hell out of us, because it means we need to show up and be vulnerable, open and real.

We need to be vulnerable, open and real. That takes guts.

We’ve been taught to overthink everything and not trust anything.

Why do we do this? We do it for a lot of reasons.

We do it because we get really scared when authenticity appears in front of us. We get scared because we realize it demands us to become vulnerable and open.

When the universe demands us to become vulnerable and open, it’s no longer just positive self-help talk that we’re saying to ourselves. We need to take the action behind the positive self-help talk that got us to this point, that allowed us to meet and attract this amazing person into our lives.

It scares the hell out of all of us.

I’ve made a pact with myself.

I’m somebody who used to have a lot of walls. I always got into my head, rationalized everything, never trusted anything. Probably because of the way my mother and I created our relationship together.

I was my mother’s emotional husband. She relied on me. She used to say things to me like, I don’t know what I would do without you, you’re my rock.

I was 7 years old.

In turn, it didn’t allow me to ever feel vulnerable. I needed to be a rock instead of being authentically open.

It has affected me throughout my entire life, and in all my adult relationships. I’ve always had to be the rock, so I’m really good at it, at being someone’s emotional husband, or their emotional rock.

I could never let go of that. Always having to be in control, always having to be the person to make sure someone else feels great.

What I learned on this journey through life and love is to let go. If I just express who I am, without thinking about it, and I just allow those words and that energy to penetrate the universe, it’s going to bring amazing to my life.

The words I say, the things I do, may scare somebody.

You know what? It’s being authentic to me. When you authentically feel, you’re not thinking about anything. You’re not worried when amazing shows up, because when amazing shows up, you just be amazing.

Be vulnerable, be open, and allow the words, in the heart felt space to flow.

The second amazing shows up, you need to be vulnerable, because the only way we’re ever going to get the love we all deserve is to love ourselves every moment.

When we express feelings to another person, we’re expressing amazing feelings because we love ourselves so much that we’re being authentic to who we are.

I know how scary it is, because it means you will not be able to control the outcome.

You see, when we stay fear based, we feel like we can control the outcome. We do things to rationalize.

Oh man, I like that man who came on strong in the beginning. It scared me because I’ve had other people do that and I don’t trust them. The way he kissed me is so amazing but I’m so afraid.

We could go on and on about this, but the reality of it is that when magic shows up you need to accept it.

You need to be raw, you need to be open, you need to be vulnerable. You need to allow yourself to do all that. You need to allow yourself to be hurt.

There is no guarantee in life, but the only guarantee is that with all these years on the planet, the only way love is ever going to show up is if you make a stand for yourself.

Tell yourself I love who I am. I’m going to express myself freely to whoever shows up. Some people may run. Some people may hide. The right person is going to stand by my side, recognize the gift of me, recognize the magic that’s being experienced. And even though they may be afraid, they’re going to allow themselves to open up, allow themselves to grow, allow their heart to expand like never before.

Doesn’t that remind you of how your last relationship ended, and it did end.

I know a lot of people whose relationship ended while they were still beautifully in love. God or the universe took that person from them. It doesn’t mean you can’t feel expanded again and go to the next level.

Something my mom taught me is crazy. As much as she leaned on me in all the wrong ways she left me with a beautiful lesson.

The lesson is this: No matter what happens in your life, when a relationship ends, there’s going to be somebody out there who will come. It could be a month, it could be a year, it could be more. But after you grow and expand, that new person who comes into your life will see your growth, see your expansion, and will love you even more.

I realize that I need to take many risks to find love.

Today I want to challenge you.

What risk are you going to take to bring love and happiness and joy to your life with an amazing man?