Relationships

Should politics be a dating non-negotiable?

I know everyone’s saying this, but it’s true. So, I’ll say it, too. We are living in some of the most politically divided times ever. I haven’t been shy about where I stand on this divide. I was pro Hillary and will never feel comfortable with Trump as our leader. This isn’t about being a sore loser. It’s about what I truly feel is right for our country. Even just listening to myself, I can tell there’s a very real split in this country and I know that I’m a part of it. This divide it feels like it touches everything, not just politics. And one of the facets of life that I hear about it affecting the most is romance. Should a requirement to share the same political beliefs be a non-negotiable? I have two answers for that… yes and no. There are times when politics should be a deal breaker and times when it shouldn’t. Answer these questions to get a sense of what you should do in your situation.

Do you have room?

Politics can and should be a non-negotiable if you care enough to make it one. It can only be a non-negotiable if you have room on your list. Remember, you’re allowed five non-negotiables in dating. So, if politics is one of yours, you have to drop something else. That means you might have to make it more important than religion, money, a sense of humor, physical traits or shared hobbies. If that feels right to you, then go for it. If you don’t care enough about politics to bump out something else on your list that you care about, then it seems like politics shouldn’t be deal breaker for you.

What are the core differences?

When it comes to politics, there are lots of elements to disagree over. What is at the core of the disagreement with your boo? If it’s an ideological difference on how to help people, that seems fine to me. You both what to help people, you just have different ways. That feels like how politics used to be, in my opinion. Liberals wanted to help in one way, conservatives in another. But, the primary goal is serving people. If, however, you feel like your boo and you are disagreeing about issues that make you think he’s a racist, she’s anti-Semitic or what they want for this country is truly undemocratic, then I think that’s grounds for ending a relationship. Basically, do you still think they’re a good person and do they think you are? If so, that’s a manageable situation. If not, I say get out!

Can you disagree respectfully?

When you two discuss politics, is the discourse respectful or does it get nasty? Two people will never fully agree on everything, even if they have very similar beliefs. When you two find each other on different pages, can you calmly discuss your differences with compassion? If yes, great. This relationship feels like it’s on the right path. If not and political conversations devolve into name-calling, yelling, insults or otherwise disrespecting each other, you have to call it what it is…a non-negotiable.

There are ways around politics when it comes to romance. It just depends on what exactly you’re disagreeing on, how invested you are in it and how you’re disagreeing.

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