Matchmaking 101 - Office Hours with Lisa Clampitt

How Do I Get Out of the “Friend Zone?”

the highway to the friend zone


Hoping you can help Lisa. I have been putting myself out into the dating scene a lot these past couple of months and have met some really great women. The problem is, after a few great dates most of the women I meet tell me that they think we would be better off as friends. I’m sick and tired of being stuck in the friend zone. How do I get out of there?!” 



No one wants to be put in the “friend zone” over and over. I hear you loud and clear. Unfortunately, this is a common problem for both male and female daters…you are not alone.

First things first, I would be very interested to know more about your personality and how present yourself on these dates. In my experience, when a woman sees a man as a friend, rather than a romantic partner, it is because the man is not exuding an alpha male, “take-charge” personality. This may be the source of your dilemma.

After working as a Matchmaker for so many years, I know for a fact that women find it attractive when a man takes the lead, plans a date, and is assertive. This is especially true on the first few dates as you are both getting to know each other.

By taking the lead I do NOT mean to be rude or inconsiderate. Guy should lead with confidence, not cockiness. Be decisive in your plans, your attitude, and how you feel about your date.  If you exude confidence in yourself and what you want, a woman will sense this and her attraction for you will grow.

If you exude confidence in yourself and what you want, a woman will sense this and her attraction for you will grow.

It’s interesting to note that I have heard the opposite feedback from men about women. When a woman domineering, or too “alpha” on a date, men become intimidated and quickly turned off. Men tend to be attracted to a woman who is nurturing, passionate, and would be a great mother. If you are a woman reading this who has had past issues with being put in the ‘friend zone’, I would suggest that on your next date you lead with a smile, flirtation, and curiosity, NOT with a take-charge tone.

Ladies, remember that you can be a strong woman but still be soft and feminine on a date!


The take away here is to think about the way you approach your date. Be confident in who you are, and what you are looking for in a partner. I have seen over and over again that the most successful men on dates are the ones who take the lead, and most successful women are those who don’t try to compete.

Give this a try on your next few dates, and let me know how it goes. If you are interested in working with a Matchmaker to sharpen your dating skills, you can visit Matchmaking Institute to find one in your area, or email me at




2 Responses to How Do I Get Out of the “Friend Zone?”

  1. Sam says:

    Hi my name is Sam and I am a professional musician living in LA. I have experienced this “friend zone” with women before. Your tips are good.

    However, it must be noted that when two people first meet, sex and intimacy does not happen on a mans timetable. It only happens on a woman’s – period. So there is nothing a man can do, once he has put his foot forward, for the most part.

    Women get to choose us – we as men do not get to choose them. We get to ask. So in the initial meeting, a man’s glass is half empty, and a woman’s is half full. The best thing a guy can do, is to develop his confidence, and convey to her (through body language) that there are other beautiful women that would jump at the chance to be with him. If he tries to kiss her, and she “sort of” declines, he should thank her for her time (cordially) and move on. He should not appear desperate by trying to change her mind. Lots of women say no by saying “maybe” or saying “nothing”, which is a terrible mixed message. Dating should be complimentary, simple and joyful. It should not feel like “work” or “awkward” as I try to kiss you. If that’s the case, and she is playing hard to get, that’s a red flag. As a man, walk away.

    In closing, please email me at, as I would like to hear your thoughts – I have a question I would like you to answer if you could.

    Look forward to hearing from you.

    Cheers, Sam.

  2. James says:

    Nobody wants to be in the friend zone. These tips could help several guys in getting a girlfriend. Good post.

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