Matchmaking 101 - Office Hours with Lisa Clampitt

How Do I Get Out of the “Friend Zone?”

the highway to the friend zone


Hoping you can help Lisa. I have been putting myself out into the dating scene a lot these past couple of months and have met some really great women. The problem is, after a few great dates most of the women I meet tell me that they think we would be better off as friends. I’m sick and tired of being stuck in the friend zone. How do I get out of there?!” 



No one wants to be put in the “friend zone” over and over. I hear you loud and clear. Unfortunately, this is a common problem for both male and female daters…you are not alone.

First things first, I would be very interested to know more about your personality and how present yourself on these dates. In my experience, when a woman sees a man as a friend, rather than a romantic partner, it is because the man is not exuding an alpha male, “take-charge” personality. This may be the source of your dilemma.

After working as a Matchmaker for so many years, I know for a fact that women find it attractive when a man takes the lead, plans a date, and is assertive. This is especially true on the first few dates as you are both getting to know each other.

By taking the lead I do NOT mean to be rude or inconsiderate. Guy should lead with confidence, not cockiness. Be decisive in your plans, your attitude, and how you feel about your date.  If you exude confidence in yourself and what you want, a woman will sense this and her attraction for you will grow.

If you exude confidence in yourself and what you want, a woman will sense this and her attraction for you will grow.

It’s interesting to note that I have heard the opposite feedback from men about women. When a woman domineering, or too “alpha” on a date, men become intimidated and quickly turned off. Men tend to be attracted to a woman who is nurturing, passionate, and would be a great mother. If you are a woman reading this who has had past issues with being put in the ‘friend zone’, I would suggest that on your next date you lead with a smile, flirtation, and curiosity, NOT with a take-charge tone.

Ladies, remember that you can be a strong woman but still be soft and feminine on a date!


The take away here is to think about the way you approach your date. Be confident in who you are, and what you are looking for in a partner. I have seen over and over again that the most successful men on dates are the ones who take the lead, and most successful women are those who don’t try to compete.

Give this a try on your next few dates, and let me know how it goes. If you are interested in working with a Matchmaker to sharpen your dating skills, you can visit Matchmaking Institute to find one in your area, or email me at