Matchmaking 101 - Office Hours with Lisa Clampitt

Why You Shouldn’t Be So Quick To Judge Your Date

A couple decides about their datesIn my experience, daters are quick to judge, and even quicker to move on. After one brief glance at a profile photo, singles think they can be 100% certain whether the person in question is the one.

Last week, I described a story about a couple that refused to meet each other for a whole month before finally giving in to my persuasion. Once they met, they started seeing each other, and recently announced their engagement. This story, and the many others that I have witnessed like it, prove that quickness to judge a person can hinder your dating success.

It’s important to remember that people who find themselves in relationships most of the time are usually very open to possibilities.

I have seen time and time again that single’s will put up barriers around who they are willing to meet, which obstructs them from finding love. It’s important to remember that people who find themselves in relationships most of the time are usually very open to possibilities. They know that humans are flawed, and once their basic relationship needs are met, are very accepting of their partner unique qualities. If you have trouble finding relationships, you may want to consider adopting this point of view.

Even though I don’t approve of this limiting dating behavior, I do get where the sense of judgment comes from. Dating can be nerve wracking and involves putting yourself out there emotionally. You want to be sure that the time and effort you are investing is going to pay off. You want to feel like you are meeting someone who could potentially be your match.

I also understand that when you are meeting people online, or being set up on a blind date by a friend, you may get there and find someone totally inappropriate for sitting across the table. This is how a cycle of never making it past the first date gets started. The more bad dates, the more justified daters feel about putting up that wall.

The beauty of working with a certified professional matchmaker is that we have done the legwork for you. We’ve already screened your date. We know about their likes, dislikes, habits, life goals, relationship goals, and that they align with what you are looking for in a mate. You can enter the date feeling good about meeting someone who is appropriate for you, and that you will have a nice time getting to know. This will leave no excuse for putting up a wall a few minutes into the night.

So let’s say that you are now on board with being open minded, and you have agreed to go out with someone your matchmaker chose even though you might not have chosen them for yourself. You might be wondering how many dates it will take for you to know if trusting the matchmaker’s hunch paid off, or if your first instinct was right.

Here’s the rule we tell daters to follow: If you feel neutral to positive about your dating experience with the person we introduced you to, we believe you should go out on more dates with this person until your feelings fall more specifically into a positive, or negative category.  I have seen a neutral to positive feeling switch to a very positive feeling after just a couple of dates. A first date is a tough detector of what someone is all about. Take the luxury of a few more dates to dig deeper.

Keep in mind, even when someone tells us they had a negative experience with a person, we often will work to convince them to reconsider if we really feel this is a good match for them. Also, if one of our clients is in a relationship with a match and wants to break up with them, but we don’t see a fundamental reason why they should, we ask them to wait and give it another shot. We even go so far as to offer free couples coaching to put our money where our mouth is.

It just goes to show that people have no idea what they want in love, and need a helping hand to nudge them in the right direction. Keep your mind, and heart, open and dating success will follow.