How to spend the holidays separately and not drift apart

Sometimes couples have to spend the holidays separately. Normally, this isn’t anyone’s first choice, but less-than-ideal circumstances pop up. And here’s the thing about less-than-ideal circumstances…they don’t respect the holiday calendar. So, if your boo and you can’t be together this December and you’re worried about feeling too separate from each other or drifting apart, here’s what to do.

Tune out the haters

A lot of people are going to read into you guys spending the holidays separately, especially if you don’t feel like disclosing why you’re apart. And you definitely don’t have to share those reasons far and wide. A lot of times, things that are big and bad enough to separate a couple over the holidays are things you don’t want to talk about. I get it. But, other people may not. They’ll try and put thoughts into your head about this being a reflection of your relationship’s health. You know the truth about what’s going on. No matter the reason for not being together – even if it is that you two needed space from each other – don’t let what other people think impact what you think. You’re the expert here, not them.


Stay in touch with your boo while you’re away. Reach out as much as possible. If you can’t actually connect, write a journal of what you would say to him if you could chat on the phone and give it to him when you are able to see him in person. When I’m away from someone I’m dating – during the holidays or not – sometimes we agree to meditate at the same time. I know this isn’t for everyone, but it really does make me feel more spiritually connected to my partner when I’ve done it. And that’s helpful to me.

Bring back mementos

I know a stuffed teddy bear wearing an Indiana shirt isn’t actually something any adult actually wants, but the thought behind it can go a long way in reconnecting after time apart. Gifts are one of my love languages and it’s not the price of the gift that I care about. It’s knowing that someone thought about me and took time out of their day to buy me a little trinket to show me they care. Doing something small like stopping for an airport souvenir, bringing back a cookie that your grandma made or even mailing a silly craft you cooked up while watching your niece and nephew can mean a lot to your faraway boo.

Happy holidays, no matter where – and with whom – you’re spending them.