What to do if you’re bored in your relationship

When they’re shiny and new, nothing’s more thrilling than a relationship. There’s just so much that’s unknown and high stakes. But, once that newness wears off, relationships can simmer down into something that’s, well, boring. That doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed or over or even that you have to be this bored for much longer. If you want to pep up your relationship, here’s what to do.

Identify what could be better

Give your relationship a good, long think. What could be better? Is it that you two do everything together, so nothing’s surprising anymore? Is it that you don’t spend enough time together? Is it that you’re in a date rut or maybe don’t even go out on dates anymore? Identify what exactly is boring about the relationship and then talk about it with your boo. They could be feeling the same exact way and will be an important part of fixing it.

Have more and different sex

The easiest way to spice up a relationship and feel more connected to your partner is to have more sex. You could commit to a sex goal together. Maybe to jump start things, you both decide you’ll have sex every day for a week or you make a sex-day-of-the-week and decide to always have sex once a week. (May I suggest making Wednesday your personal hump day?) Also, try new things out in the bedroom – costumes, toys, positions, whatever! Amp up your sex life and your relationship boredom will start to fade away. Not just because of the sex, but because sex can lead to connection, intimacy and communication in ways that will open up other parts of your relationship in a way that feels new and not boring.

Go to therapy

Therapy isn’t just for the weak. It’s for people who want to improve their lives, know that’s going to take work and want to work as effectively as possible. A professional can help you two figure out what’s off with your relationship and get it back on track. The trick is to go before things get too rocky or stagnant. So, if you’re thinking about couple’s therapy, that probably means you should have made the appointment yesterday.

But also, enjoy it

I know this post is about beating boredom, but boredom in a relationship is also an indication that things are going smoothly. No one’s bored during a break up, while they’re fighting or when there’s a health scare. Boredom can be a beautiful thing in a relationship. It means a lot of important parts of your relationship are working perfectly. So, there could be some tweaks, but those may just be superficial if you can count on your boo and feel safe.

Hope this helps you celebrate what’s great about your relationship boredom and fix what’s not great about it.