Non-Negotiables: (N.) An easy list in theory, tricky as hell to come up with.
Our girl Patti is a huge proponent of non-negotiables. She believes coming up with five traits that a potential mate must have is important to help you navigate your dating life.
What are they and why are they important to come up with? Non-negotiables are traits any guy you could consider getting serious with should align with. Creating five non-negotiables gives you a list that you truly believe in, and holds every guy to the same standards. They are completely up to you, and reflect what you want in a mate! This list makes it easy to weed people out of your dating life that you otherwise could have considered to be options. If religion was one of your non-negotiables and he doesn’t follow your religious beliefs, then bam! Right there, quick and easy, you know he will not make it through the long haul with you.
Patti’s belief in non-negotiables inspired us to come up with our own. When we sat down to write ours, we were kind bewildered on where to even begin. It is way easier to focus on what we don’t want, than what we DO want. So writing a list of things you absolutely must have, non-negotiable, is rather hard.
While digging for characteristics and traits, it steered us off course and on a trip down memory lane. Most of our, “we don’t wants” all stemmed from someone or some experience that we had in our past. We’ve all heard the cliches, “everything happens for a reason” and “there’s a lesson in every relationship”. Insert “a ha” moment here! Our past relationships, both good and bad, are where we start to develop our non-negotiables.
Our good relationships are the ones that are most helpful when creating your list. These are the relationships you still sit and dwell on occasionally. They were so close to lasting, but somehow, they didn’t. What were those “little” barriers that broke you and those guys apart? Odds are those “little” barriers are actually bigger deals than you thought they were, and they absolutely belong on your list. Whether it was distance, cheating, his family, and the list goes on…That issue clearly is important to you otherwise you would still be in a relationship with that great guy!
Now, let’s discuss the bad relationships…. What can we use from these to create our non-negotiables? First of all let’s just say, thank God they are coming in handy for something! The bad relationships give what you don’t want, very specifically! Use these “don’t wants” and find the opposite. Basically you’re flipping your negative into a positive and giving you what you DO want. Pretty simple right? Remember that pathological liar you dated? Uh! Insert on list: honest and trustworthy.
Non-negotiables are a hard list to come up with. It takes time, don’t feel like you have to complete it in one sitting, and feel free to edit and change as you go along in your dating life. If you have your non-negotiable list prepared, and stand behind it whole heartedly, it’s easy to determine if any crush, boyfriend, or date is capable of making it through the long haul with you.
Check out our blog, theambrosegirls.com to view our personal non-negotiables!