Yes and No.
Yes if you see Valentine’s Day as a mandatory time to express love – you go through the motions because you feel obligated but don’t honor or feel the emotional significance.
No if you use February 14th to make a big splash in your relationship and create an extra special connection. Then it can be worthwhile and memorable!
In fact, there are three levels of connection that you can use in your relationship, each a particular ritual. A ritual is a repeated and intentional action which can help you feel closer to your partner in both little and big ways:
These are the daily rituals where you give your partner your time and focus. They don’t require much effort and are pretty low-key. Try a goodbye in the morning before you leave for work, a hello kiss in the evening when you come home, or a nightly chat in bed. You can also pack a love note in your partner’s bag before they travel or text them flirty messages during their workday.
These rituals require more effort and increase the intimacy between you both. You show your affection and passion for each other, basically conveying, “I love you and you are important to me.” You let your partner know how much you treasure them and recognize their own uniqueness. Cook your partner’s favorite dish, go out on a weekly or monthly date, or have weekend breakfast in bed. Backrubs after a long week, cuddling on the couch, or even sexy bath/shower times can show both affection and keep things spicy in and out of the bedroom.
These rituals include celebrating the days that come once a year: Wedding, birthday, holidays and special romantic days like Valentine’s Day. It’s the time for meaningful gifts or activities, and because they only come once a year it adds that extra element of “special.” The goal is to make these days personal rather than forcing the motions out of a sense of obligation. Cupid day doesn’t have to be a stupid day: you can give each other a card with a thoughtful message, or make dinner but add more romance by using candles, your fine china, considerate gifts, etc. You can take a trip to a memorable place or even celebrate the 14 days leading up to Valentine’s Day in little ways.
Incorporating these three rituals will help make you feel more connected to your partner. When the attention and affection rituals work in your relationship, days like Valentine’s Day won’t be stupid at all.
For other tips leading up to Valentine’s Day, please check out my Facebook page and Twitter for a daily tip for Marriage Week, February 7-14.