Patti's Blog

How do you know if he’s a keeper or a sleeper?

I was out to dinner with a few of my girlfriends this week and I was explaining to one of my single friends my criteria for knowing if a man is a keeper. Another friend was listening in and said, “Patti, what you’re describing isn’t a keeper! He sounds like a sleeper!” It’s true that the criteria I talk about most for identifying a long-term guy are kinda snoozy.

Is he a keeper or a sleeper?

I mean, financial philosophies, spiritual beliefs and five-year goals aren’t exactly the plots of action adventure movies. But, of course there’s a difference between a keeper and a sleeper. Your forever guy has to be more than a checklist. He has to make your heart sing! Or rap! Or beatbox! Whatever your heart does when it’s happy.

So, if your guy has all of the elements of a keeper, but you’re not sure if he’s really the one, here are some essential (and not boring) things to consider before committing to him.

  • Does he make you laugh?

    Your guy doesn’t need to have his own stand up special on Comedy Central or anything, but he does need to make you laugh regularly. And I mean a good, soul-invigorating belly laugh. Not just a weak smile. If you’re not laughing a ton when you’re with your “keeper” of a guy, he’s probably more of a “sleeper.”

    …When it comes to women and love—When you know, you know.

  • Do you feel that spark?

    Close your eyes and imagine opening your front door and seeing your man standing there, waiting to pick you up for a date. Does that give you the warm tingles? If yes, you’re in a good place. If the thought of him doesn’t give you that sparkly feeling all over your body, you’re probably not dealing with a keeper.

  • Do you know?

    I’ve been a matchmaker a long time and here’s the truth when it comes to women and love—When you know, you know. Women just have a certain sense when it comes to love. You have to trust yourself. Do you know this is the guy for you? If you have any doubts, then he’s probably not.


Have you or any of your friends ever dated a dude who looked good on paper but was a total snooze in person? Share your stories below in the comments!