To be a successful matchmaker you certainly don’t have to be married or in a relationship, but it does helps if you are able to take your own advice. The advice that I have given in this column, including my recent article on mastering the art of seduction, are techniques that I have personally found success with. In fact, they worked so well for me that my husband proposed to me within 20 minutes of us meeting each other! Here’s how it happened:
I got married for the first time when I was very young. We eventually ended up getting divorced, and I shifted my career from social work to matchmaking. A few years later, once my matchmaking company was up and running, I knew I was ready to get married again. Having made this decision, my love goggles were on. I was super friendly everywhere I went, kept my eyes open for opportunity, and was confident with who I was and what I was looking for.
A week after I made this important decision I stopped by a local coffee shop with a friend after seeing a band play. Pretty immediately I spotted a guy across the room that I thought was really attractive. He was wearing a dapper 1940’s get up, so I yelled over to him, “Hey 1940’s dude! What are you eating?”
Now I know not everyone would be comfortable yelling across the room like that, but that’s my personality; I am extremely friendly and outgoing. Whatever your style is you can achieve this same effect, even if it is just with a long smile in their direction, or a wave hello.
After I got his attention, it seemed like he was super excited that I had reached out to him. He asked me right away to sit down with him, and of course, I did. At this point in the story I should also mention that I do have a skill for choosing nice guys that are capable of healthy relationships. It is really important to master the skill of being able to spot a nice guy. You do not want to be blinded by a player. No matter how you approach a player (someone not interested in commitment), you won’t be able to turn their marriage light on in 20 minutes.
So, I’m sitting with this super cute guy, and he tells me about how he just moved to New York from Louisiana. He recently got his PHD in herpetology, and was a specialist in studying the evolution of snakes and their DNA. Nerdy I know…which I loved!
I was so impressed by him; he was young, smart, and extremely down to earth. Within the next two minutes I found out that he was from the Midwest, (I always tell my female clients to snag up those Midwestern men before they know what hit them because they are relationship oriented and tend to have great values!) had the same life views as me, and a similar style.
Good guys are often terrified of being rejected, so you might have to approach them first.
We hit is off so well that twenty minutes later, believe it or not, he asked me to marry him. I would have said yes right then and there, except I had another guy traveling to meet me all the way from Canada, so I told him that I’d have to get back to him next week after the Canada guy came to visit. (Yes…this is really how it happened!)
I’ll get to the exciting conclusion in a minute, but let’s take a minute to figure outwhy this quick proposal happened in the first place.
- I was super CONFIDENT and walked into that coffee shop smiling, happy, and feeling comfortable in my own skin. He later told me he took notice of this right when I walked into the room.
- I was POSITIVE about the prospects of meeting new people and finding love.
- I knew that I was READY to get married again.
- I had my love goggles on and was OPEN to all different kinds of people and seeing the potential in people I was meeting.
- I knew how to spot a good, kind, and relationship-oriented guy
This last part, spotting a good guy, is really important. Good guys are often terrified of being rejected, so you might have to approach them first. It’s the players who aren’t afraid to approach a woman. The reason my coffee shop stud did not approach me first was because he was sick of being rejected by New York women. He had been shot down so many times since moving to NYC that he had shut himself off for several months and hadn’t been reaching out to anyone new. Because I was so friendly, outgoing, and humorous about how I reached out to him, he was really excited and flattered.
Back to my story…
Needless to say, the date with the Canadian guy did not go well, I had my mind on my future husband. So when that guy from the coffee shop called me on Sunday (I had only met him that Friday) I agreed to meet up with him. We went on two dates that week, and had such an amazing connection that we decided to get married after only knowing each other for a week. We sent out email invitations to our family and friends and headed to Vegas to get married by Elvis less than two months later.
Now, eleven and two children later, we have been having the time of our lives ever since.
I promise you that this kind of story can happen to you too. It all comes down to being confident when you walk into a room, and choosing the person you engage with wisely. Be intriguing, curious, and find your own style. The rest will fall into place in time. Whether you find your love in 20 minutes or maybe a little longer, you will indeed find your partner if you remain open to the possibilities, are non judgmental, see the good in others rather, are awesome to be around.