The Healthy Heart

How To Fight the Healthy Way

A couple fights the healthy wayFighting might be something that you try to avoid like the plague while dating but even couples in very healthy relationships argue from time to time. “Fighting” brings to mind yelling, intense conversations, threats and slamming doors-but it doesn’t have to be that way. It’s normal to disagree with your partner, and heck, it’s even encouraged. The best relationships are the ones that challenge us and that means there might be occasional disagreements-plus, there is no point in dating someone who never wants to fight for the beliefs. With that said, it’s not about if you fight, it’s more important how you fight. Here are some tips on how to fight with your partner and come out the other side with an even stronger relationship!

Take a Step Back and Chill Out

In the initial moments of an argument, emotions are likely running high. If you or your partner are really angry and seeing red, it might be best to take a breather as very little constructive conversation can come from emotional outbursts. It’s way better to ask for ten minutes to cool down than to yell some scathing words you can’t take back and potentially do permanent damage to the relationship. Go for a run, take a shower, go run a stupid errand you’ve been putting off, and come back a bit more calm to tackle the issue at hand.

Don’t Fight Dirty.

Cheap shots, low blows, sarcasm…we are all guilty of fighting dirty from time to time. You might think that whatever you say in the heat of the moment is justified because you’re so mad, but spouting off rude one-liners to the person you’re supposed to care about can send the fight off into dangerous territory. Make a pledge to avoid being nasty to one another, even when you’re upset. Especially when you’re upset.

Get Out of the “Winner” Mentality

Instead of going into the next argument with your partner on a mission to win, focus instead on doing everything you can to resolve. The only true winning occurs when both of you feel respected and happy with the outcome. Are you going to feel like a “winner” if you’ve hurt your partners feelings or fought so hard and loud that they just say, “Ok, you win, I’m sorry.” Nope, right? Chances are you’ll feel like a total jerk. Remember that no matter how pissed off you might be, ultimately you both are on the same team.

Don’t Complain To Your Friends

There is a difference between asking a trusted friend for relationship advice versus having a boyfriend/girlfriend bash-fest at happy hour. Even when you’re still upset about unresolved issues in your relationship, it’s not the time to air your grievances to the world. It will no doubt make things a bit awkward when your friends see your partner the next time, but not only that, do you really want your tipsy co-workers opinion on your relationship? Would your partner be even more hurt and disrespected if he knew the things you were saying? Support from your inner circle is one thing-and necessary if you’re going through a serious relationship issue-but, more likely instead of talking about your partner, you should be talking to your partner.

Choose Your Battles

Not every single issue that pops up is worth a fight, and it’s up to you to decide when to just let something roll of your back. A good way to determine when to speak up and when to move on is to ask yourself if the issue at hand will still be important in a day? A month? If so, start