I’m in the middle of catching up on The Bachelorette. No spoilers, please! I’m pretty behind. Even though I’m early in the season, I’ve formed some fan feelings for a few of the guys. It looks like Andi has some very serious feelings for a bunch of them as well. It got me thinking about deciding between men. This isn’t just a problem in reality TV competition shows. It happens in real life. With online dating and busy schedules, a lot of my friends wind up stacking dates and getting into separate relationships at the same time. I know you women out there who can’t even find one dateable guy think this is insane. But, trust me, when it rains, it pours. You could be dealing with a very similar situation in the near future. Here’s how I advise my friends when they’re dealing with choosing between two guys.
How do you feel with him?
Please note that I asked how do you feel with him? Not how do you feel about him? They’re different questions. The next time you’re with each dude, check in with yourself and see where you are on your happy-o-meter. Some people have a way of making us feel like a million bucks and others might be fun to talk about or seem perfect on paper, but don’t add a ton in terms of self-confidence sparkles. (I just made up “self-confidence sparkles.” Pretty proud of myself for that one.) The guy who makes you feel good is who you should be with.
Who fits into your five-year plan?
This is just a practical check in, but it’s really important. Think about what you want to do and where you want to be within the next five years. Which man fits that plan better? If you want to travel to Africa and one of the guys is full steam ahead on the baby train, it sounds like your futures won’t align. Asking for a five-year plan is a serious conversation to bring up before you are exclusive with a guy, but you’re about to make a serious decision and it’s important to have all the facts.
Is it really a decision?
Here’s the cold hard truth—you know which guy is your guy. And if you honest to goodness don’t know, it means that neither guy is your guy. When you know, you know. And when you don’t know, it means both dudes are “no’s.” Wait until you meet a guy who’s a clear winner and without question worth your commitment.
Anyone out there had to choose between two men? How did you know which one was the right one?