When texting becomes toxic

Texting is an integral part of any relationship’s communication these days. Anyone who says differently is probably your grandma. Or actually, your great grandma. Avoiding texting is like avoiding kissing to some. But texting can also have a nasty side. That’s right. Texting can become toxic. Here’s how to tell when your texting relationship has been contaminated.

When you’ve never heard his voice on the phone

Anyone who’s started a relationship recently knows that this is a very real risk. If you’ve never heard your guy’s voice on the phone and you’ve been together for more than three months, something’s up. Text is great for quick communication, short jokes and flirty little messages, but it doesn’t replace actually talking on the phone. Or worse, seeing each other. So if your guy is limiting all of your communication to text or texting you back when you call him, something toxic could be up.

When you’re sending dirty pics you don’t want anyone to see

Sexting, which is just sexy texting, can be really fun. It’s a great way to keep things feisty and flirty when you’re not there to actually grab his butt. But beware. Sexting has a very dark side. All it takes is one phone left in the back of a cab or one little security breach, and your sexy messages can be all over everywhere you don’t want them to be. So keep the sexting PG-13 and picture free, and you should be fine.

When you’re having serious relationship talks

Again, texting is a great form of communication for some things. But it’s definitely not the form of communication you should use when you’re having serious conversations, especially serious conversations about your relationship. Those talks should happen in person, or at the very least on the phone. Text messages can be so easily misconstrued, and you wouldn’t want one little emoticon to dictate the future of your relationship with a great guy, would you? As soon as chitchat turns to serious conversation, stop tapping out messages and start calling.

When you’re using it as a tracking device

Because texting makes it so easy to be in touch all of the time, it’s easy to use it as a weird stalking device. If he hasn’t written back in an hour on a Monday, he must be in a meeting. If it’s two hours on a Sunday afternoon, maybe he’s at the gym. If it’s Saturday night and he hasn’t written back within five minutes, HE MUST BE MAKING OUT WITH A SKANK! I mean, come on. We’ve all been there, right? When it gets to that level, remind yourself what texting was actually meant for — communication, and what it wasn’t — surveillance.


13 Responses to When texting becomes toxic

  1. thalassa harry says:

    Hello, I’m a 35 yr old female who seems can’t find the the right man. These men will talk to you and lie at the same time…please help me

    • she says:

      Hi Patti,

      I met an old acquaintance for dinner, I know everything just felt comfortable for both of us. We had a second date, I made a huge error, sent email and responses to his emails. Ok sent one or two to many. I have scared him off even though we both felt comfortable and he did send some wrong messages (not written, physical and emotional). Is there still hope or do I walk away and know Mr Right got away because of a small error on my part? I know that I am worth getting to know.

      • Pattie Benjamin says:

        Dear ‘she’,

        I know sometimes it can feel very comfortable with an old acquantance but please remember…familiarity breeds contempt..if you see where this is going here…

        Stop messaging men first – I dont care if you knew him for 10 years – STOP IT. Don’t message any man first, unless its your father, son, uncle or brother! THATS IT…not even a colleague unless it is to ask a serious business partner question otherwise…NO!

        You got too comfortable thats why you mistakenly sent too many messages…he probably felt smothered… leave him alone – if he wants you he will come and find you my dear….let whats meant to be just happen…don’t force anything or try to make things happen for you! HOW DO YOU KNOW HE’S MR RIGHT? sweetie…take your time and like i said let him come your way

        GOOD LUCK! Watch Patti Stanger and go on

        xx Stay fabolous and don’t let the tears stain your makeup – brush it off…NEXT! and online date…x

        PS; sometimes you can feel you’ve met mr right and he is just a glimpse of the real mr right..bare that in mind and then you will be his ‘SHE’.

    • Meri says:

      Hello huni, you just need to be smart about the men your dating…. not a strategy..I’m talking about think of the sort of men your going for and attracting to you…

      Is there a certain type you always go for? if so try something new.

      Second of all your vague with your message so i cannot rely analyze your situation or past…your the expert with your past and situation so
      therefore have a look at it and take some time for you.

      Buy some good books to read… John Gray – Whey Venus and Mars collide
      Buy – Make every man want you by Marie Forleo and work through anything that might be holding you back..

      And finally, never talk to a guy first, let him come to you. NEVER EVER OVERCOMPENSATE either… if a man is not treat you right know when to walk away in walking away you can let MR right come your way much quicker.

      GOOD LUCK!

  2. Maya White says:

    Oh yeah, bummer. I just learned about this the hard way! I vow to never ever break up with a guy through texting. Texting is for things listed above – quick communications, short jokes, and flirting. When we had to address a serious question things just got out of control way too fast. One question lead to an ambiguous answer,followed by a stand-off, and ending in . . .well. . the end.

  3. Nikita Newell c says:

    I need help finding love

    • Pattie Benjamin says:

      Call Patti Stanger girlie or definetly truly a dating coach or life style coach to help get this in order. BEST THING YOU CAN DO, GET GOING TO SINGLE EVENTS AND CONFERENCES AND TAKE NOTE TOO OF WHAT THEY SAY PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY.

  4. Rachel Mole says:

    Im seventeen, almost eighteen and from the UK. I was going out with this guy and he was my first boyfriend, but definitely not my first love and he thought I knew him as we texted everyday, i mean c’mon, you have to be with him to know him don’t you? – he was also being to pushy, and he didn’t think there isn’t supposed to be a friendship in relationship. I love the show its like a ‘love tip lesson’. Hope you come to the UK, and maybe help some British people with their love life? 🙂 xoxo

  5. cat says:

    I have turned 50 and find that most men I have been dating end up cheating physically or by texting. My heart keeps getting broken. Can you help an old soul.

    • Pattie Benjamin says:

      More information….. please investigate your dating pattern and history because there is always something that can be traced… I am not saying you are the reason they cheat…a cheat is a cheat BUT ONE THING YOU MUST NEVER DO WHICH YOU HAVE DONE IS OWN THE CHEAT…STOP OWING SOMEONE ELSES BEHAVIOUR….
      IT just happened to you – IT DOES NOT DEFINE YOU! Men cheat for several reasons…. it isnt always about you… do you understand?? wonderful, now … have a dating journal…investigate your dating love life and try a singles event for people in your age range and also try online dating… or



  6. sam says:

    I have been dating this guys for a year, and he has never texted any other girls or hung out with them alone. I have hung out with guys alone and sometimes I text them for like 10 minutes. he trust me completely and I would never do anything to hurt him! but recently he has been texting this girl not in a flirty way but they’ve just been talking. should I be worried? I get a weird feeling.

  7. Fi says:

    Im 25 years old and I’ve been in several or more relationships. I get quickly attached to the guy and then begin to get coldfeet about a month into it. Im usually the one who ends the relationship. I’ve dated younger; same age; tall; short; thin; muscley; different ethnicity and different religion. Why am I being so judgememta that I believe it won’t work with the poor guy. I’ve not found a guy who I’m truly happy with. Should Iconsider dating an older guy?

    Please help!

    P.s. I would love to discuss this further with you.

  8. Angela Felix says:

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