Women and men are different. I know. That’s nothing new. But, it’s something I have to remind my girlfriends of on a regular basis because it’s easy to forget when you’re dating someone and feel so close and connected to him. You guys are on the same page about so much. But, when it comes to your biology, you two are different. And one way that manifests is in your biological clocks. Women who want biological kids are on a timeline that’s really short and men who want biological kids are much more flexible. I have a lot of friends who have been shocked by their boo’s reactions to their biological clocks and others who haven’t been able to get their man to appreciate that biological clocks even exist for women. If you want your relationship to be successful, you two do need to figure out a way for both of you to listen to your biological clock. Here’s how to do it.
Talk about your goals
You may think that your man knows what you want out of life because you two have casually talked about it. Maybe it’s a joke about a future baby’s name or what kind of parents you two would be. But, light conversation doesn’t count as communication in this context. What you need to do is have a serious conversation where you talk about your goals and what you’d need from your partner to reach them. Maybe it’s starting to foster kids within the year or maybe it’s starting a family ASAP. Let him know want you want out of life and what continuing to date you means committing to.
Point out options
Men generally don’t understand how fertility works. They don’t get the medical talks when they go to the doctor’s office and their friends probably aren’t discussing fertility struggles as regularly as your friends are. So, let him know how it works. Do your research and talk to your doctor. Then, bring him the options. For example, you could let him know how much more likely infertility struggles are after a woman is 35 years old. Or review the costs of egg freezing and IVF treatments with him. Let him know what options are out there and how real this is to you…and any woman who wants biological children.
Give him time
Don’t expect him to immediately respond with a perfect answer that reflects a thorough understanding of your biological clock and what that means for your relationship. This could be the first time he’s really processing this information and it’s a lot to chew on. So, plan to have a big conversation without a resolution. Give him a good chunk of time to figure out his views on this.
After his processing time has passed—I’d give anywhere from one week to a month for this—check back in with your dude. Be gentle when you approach it. Chances are that he’s not going to have a full answer, even with the time you’ve given him. Ask him for his thoughts and be ready to discuss further. You may even have to give him another little break to parse out his feelings on your second discussion and circle back again.
Be true to your timeline
Don’t change your goals for a man. If you want children, find a way to have children. The man you’re currently dating should not stand in your way. You know what your future should be and when it should happen. If you’ve discussed these issues with your partner a few times and still feel like he’s not on board with helping you make your desired future happen, you need to get out. Choose yourself and your happiness. I promise you’ll be better off than ignoring what your biological clock is telling you to do.
Hopefully these tips help you turn up the volume on the ticking of your biological clock to the point where your dude can hear it too. Everything you’re feeling is normal and natural and everything he’s feeling is natural too. You two just need to work to find a solution that feels natural to both of you.