Why the third date is the most important date

important dateMost of my single girlfriends get really nervous for first dates. And of course that’s understandable. First dates can be mega stressful. But, they’re actually not that important in the scheme of things. If a first date goes badly, there’s nothing on the line. Sure, you’ve wasted your time, but there’s not a ton of emotion that you’ve invested into this person. You can walk away completely unscathed. If a third date goes poorly, it feels a lot more high stakes. And I actually think a third date is the most important date of a relationship. Here’s why.

You cross the threshold

A third date is when you cross the threshold from going on dates with some guy to dating him. It might sound like it’s just a semantics issue, but it’s not. You’re doing more than just showing up for a casual date. This is where dating starts turning into a relationship. Of course you don’t have to be fully committed to someone by date three, but you’re far more invested than you were at date one. And that’s really shifting things into high gear. So, it’s a crucial decision time.

You get physical

You all know my rule. No sex (of any kind… and yes I mean ANY kind) without monogamy. But, of course things can heat up in the bedroom without having sex. I don’t think it’s reasonable for anyone to stick with end of night pecks until they’re ready to commit to monogamy and sexy times! And getting beyond a peck typically happens on date three. As much as we may want to deny it, there’s something instinctual about connecting emotions with intimate physical touch. When you get touched in the right ways, your brain just tells you to feel something real for that person. So, feelings get a whole lot more intense right around date three.

You actually know them

Another reason a third date is more serious is that you actually know this person at this point. Accepting a third date is about making the shift from “Here’s someone I’m meeting,” to “Here’s someone I’m choosing to spend time with.” This could sound like a subtle shift, but it’s an important one. You’re no longer taking a chance on a stranger, you’re deciding to move forward with someone. Get the difference?

So, think long and hard before you accept that third date. It’s a meaningful one and could be the stepping-stone into your next relationship!