There hasn’t been a single long-term couple in history where at least one partner hasn’t experienced a little dip in their interest in sex. It’s just impossible to keep those new relationship sex vibes going long-term. When there isn’t much surprise or nerves involved in your sex life, it’s harder to get excited. That doesn’t mean that this dip is permanent or you two have fallen out of love. It just means you need to give your sex life a little more attention. Here’s how.
Think about why
The first step is to figure out what’s going on. Is there a reason for this sex malaise? Maybe it’s that your sex life is too predictable. Maybe it’s that you’re so stressed, your body’s not able to process sexual needs. Maybe it’s that you’re angry with your partner. There has to be a reason for this attitude change toward sex and you need to spend some time figuring it out.
Talk to your partner
Once you’ve figured out what’s going on with you, it’s time to talk to your partner about it. What’s important to remember here is that sex is a super sensitive issue and your word selection and tone is going to matter big time in this discussion. So think about what you’re going to say and maybe even practice it a few times. Focus on this being a challenge both of you can overcome together, not a problem your partner needs to solve themselves.
Try new things
Open your mind and try some new things between the sheets. Think dirty talk, lingerie, porn, vibrators, clips, plugs, role play and whatever else might tickle your fancy. Even if it’s something that doesn’t appeal to you at first blush, give it a go. You can always stop and really, you never know what could flip the switch for you or your partner.
Adjust your perspective
Like I said in the intro, your sex life now is simply never going to be like it was when you were two were first dating. That’s just a fact. Make sure your expectations for a satisfying sex life are reasonable and you focus on what is working in your relationship, not just what isn’t. For example, the excitement might have faded, but there’s a lot to say about being comfortable with your partner. Also, even if your sex life isn’t a ten out ten, you can still focus on what’s good about it. Celebrate the sex you do have and tell your partner what you like about your sex together. A change in perspective can go a long way in improving your sex life, even if nothing about the sex actually changes.
Remember, the sex humdrums are normal and can be temporary if you address the issue with your partner. Nothing to panic about.