The Men's Room - Love and Relationship Advice From a Man For Women

The Truth Behind Tinder – Your Shot Of Hope

tinderIf you’ve tried the world of swipe dating, you know exactly how simple it can really be.

Tinder. Bumble. Hinge. All the other dating apps where your finger or thumb gets most of the action while your body, mind, and soul continue to rot away, staring at a screen with endless pictures, and hope.

For those of you who have lived in a bubble all these years, I’m going to explain to you what swipe dating is. The rest of you — just read on.

Swipe dating: pictures, just a few words, your thumb swiping to the right (for yes) or left (for no).

You’re hoping the other person feels the same way and swipes right so there’s a match.

It’s simple, and very addictive. It’s Tinder.

It used to be that men and women would go out on a Friday or Saturday night. They’d get all dressed up. They’d put on their Friday night clothes. They’d go out with their friends and hope to meet somebody interesting who would take them out of the dating market permanently.

Men and women would go out and flirt with each other, have conversations, and actually meet in person.

These days people tend to stay at home. When they do go out, they’re attached to their phones, and the activity most of them are doing is not with their mouths and eyes, it’s with their thumbs, on a screen.

It used to be when you went out on a Friday night and went home empty handed, you knew there was another night and you’d gear up and do it all over again. There was something about that whole thing that made dating a little more committed, more interactive.

You’d go out over the course of a month, meet one or two people. You’d go out on dates with them and give them a chance.

You would give them a chance because it was pretty much your only option.

What happened when we actually gave people a chance is that relationships would start to form.

You had already met the person. You knew what each other were like. You felt some kind of connection and had a conversation. Somebody suggested you should get together for a drink and see what happens.

You’d give people a chance. You would go out with them a few times and get to know them, because you know you’re only meeting one or two people per month, so you might as well make a decision to try to get to know someone.

Not in today’s market. Today, there’s hope available 24/7 on the phone. All we need to do is log on. It’s quite addictive. Look at pictures, ignore the words, and swipe away.

Men, by the way, swipe right on every single woman.

That’s why many times women don’t understand why they match with a guy and he never gets in touch with them. It’s because he didn’t choose to look through all the pictures. He swiped and he’s playing the percentages.

It’s what men will do. They will swipe in hopes that one of the women they’re genuinely attracted to will swipe right on them as well.

So day in and day out, people log on and swipe away. Even if you go out on a date, if the person isn’t the perfect fit for you, then you go home and swipe again. I’ve been out and seen men and women swiping surreptitiously while they were on actual dates.

Nothing matters anymore because you can go home and keep swiping and hope that one of the people you swipe right on likes you back and you connect. There have been surveys that say the likelihood of being successful on Tinder is as high as getting struck by lightning.

It’s playing the odds, and it’s time consuming.

The amount of time you spend on your screen hoping for a connection, you could be smiling and chatting with that stranger at Wholefoods, Starbucks, or the local bar. You could flirt, have a conversation and go out with somebody you’ve already met in person, instead of hoping that the online person has the personality you’re looking for.

Hoping that the online person is somebody you have chemistry with.

For those of you who participate in the crazy world of Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and all the other ones, you know that the majority of times when you meet someone in person they are nothing like their profile pictures.

They are nothing at all like you thought they were going to be.

People take angle shots. People put up pictures from when they were younger. When you have a profile with no words, you’re simply texting back and forth on a screen and there is no way to feel another person.

I don’t care how clever the text conversation is. It’s just that. It’s a text conversation on a screen.

But day in and day out, millions and millions of people are swiping in hopes that they will make that magical connection.

In all my life on Tinder, Bumble and any of the other ones, I’ve barely made any real connections. Maybe two or three for the two years I’ve been swiping.

Those odds are terrible. I have better odds if I just stop outside my local Wholefoods and flirt all day. I guarantee I would meet somebody who would be on my level. Somebody I connect with, somebody who I find attractive in person.

But the addictive quality of Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and all the rest, feeds into this hope that there is somebody out there in the land of swiping who is exactly what you are looking for.

It’s time think deeper and clearer about where we’re at. There are more single people then ever before, but people are actually meeting less and less.

Men don’t want to commit anymore because they are so addicted to the abundance of all of the pictures they can swipe. They know they will find a woman who will sleep with them if they play the odds.

So they’re busy hooking up. That’s why the majority of women on these apps are saying no hook ups, no hook ups, no hook ups.

If you think that is going to stop somebody from trying to hook up, you’re 100% wrong. Men aren’t even reading the words, nor do we care what you say because we figure if we meet you in person, there is a chance that you will give in and hook up with us.

Personally, I don’t want to hook up. I prefer a relationship. But that’s just me.

Dopamine is the chemical in our brain that is triggered by; either the anticipation of a need being met, a desired being fulfilled or mystery of new. Sounds like swiping.

And Dopamine makes us feel happy. It’s the magical drug of hope.

My hope is that you will see the futility of swiping before you’ve wasted too much time, getting nowhere and meeting no one you want in your life for more than an hour. That you will put down your phone, smile and engage at some of the great men in your world.

Who knows, you might find yourself in a relationship. I’m just saying. Try Tinder.